Anxiety, Life, Then Comes Baby

Running on Coffee

Sometimes the permeating theme of caffeine in women’s clothing and memes is almost too much to take. It’s like, really gals, we get it. Y’all drink a lot of coffee. And yet I find myself strategically planning Willow’s remaining 2-3 daily nursing sessions around when I can sneak one (or several) cup(s) myself. I’ve been known to crack open a Diet Coke at 6 pm even though I know I shouldn’t, because the list of things that still need to happen is just way to long and I cannot, will not, face it without another dose of caffeine.

Today I am running on coffee, so far and so fast, water is like a distant memory. I keep having to forcibly remind myself to refill that glass of actual hydration, lest my stomach be overcome by the stuff I should not be drinking this much of.

 

But while I find myself zinging around the apartment, picking up a dirty sock here and typing half of a story pitch for an editor there, I’m reminded that it’s all, actually, okay. Moms run on coffee because in a world so pressured and crazy, we have too many things to do in a day and the wakeup helps the flow. We run on coffee because cuddles are great but tantrums take energy that we just don’t have so much of. Sometimes, we refill that cup because the simple comfort of a routine can help us overcome the anxiety. Moms run on love and yes, we run on coffee.

I’ve been known to stick the same mug back in the microwave upwards of five times before getting to savor it warm, but that exhausting routine is worth the effort. Because even though my love-cup is very, very full, sometimes¬†the coffee cup needs just a few drops more.