They Should’ve Warned Me

When I was pregnant, everyone was all about “warning” me about what was coming next. I walked around much of those ten (let’s face it, pregnancy is ten, not nine, months) absolutely terrified. The warnings flew at me from every angle — in the checkout line at Target, on the street, slipping my shoes on and walking out of the yoga studio. Warnings, warnings everywhere about what was to come — from the excruciating, mind-numbing pain of childbirth to the shell of my former self I was about to become once I had her. There were times I felt like a prisoner on death row, trying to force myself to enjoy some tiny luxury despite my size and discomfort, because if you asked around, apparently my petty joys would be ending pretty soon!


“Enjoy your husband now — you’ll be so consumed by the baby you won’t spend any time alone together when she’s here!” “Invest in a cute one-piece for next summer — your body will never be the same.” Or WORSE, from one of my female doctors, when I expressed concern about staying sexy for my husband, “You’ll lose the weight this time, but with the second one forget it. You’ll be so tired by then, you won’t care.” Yikes!!!

AND you all know my personal favorite, “Sleep now while you still can!” (And its sister statements, “Enjoy the quiet now!,” “Get your nails done — you won’t be doing that again any time soon,” and the good old, “You’ll never have time to shower.”) But with all these scary warnings that made me feel like the end of the world was coming, they forgot to warn me about what was really ahead.


They should’ve warned me that after all those hours of labor (half of which with an epidural, which made things totally bearable), the first time I saw her face my heart would burst out of my chest and shatter onto the floor. They should’ve warned me that crying because you’re happy is actually a thing, and it’s a thing you can’t control when you’re a mommy and you behold the beauty in your arms. So you’d better keep tissues on hand at all times, and stock up on the waterproof eyeliner.

They should’ve warned me that I would love my husband so much more once he was the father of my bundle of perfection, that I wouldn’t remember what the old love had felt like. That we’d have challenges, and arguments, mostly bickers, sure — but that we would also create goofy ways to spend time together like driving around the city with her snoozing in the backseat. That we’d come up with ridiculous names for her and laugh our asses off. That he’d finally learn to make sure there was wine in the house at all times for me and that that would be the most romantic thing ever. That I’d overhear him while he changed her diaper saying, “I’m Dada. Da-da. You’ll say Dada first.” And that my heart, molten lava, would melt right out of my chest and all over the floor again.


They should’ve warned me that eating healthy, proper portions of food would create enough of the nourishing milk that my daughter needs to grow. That I wouldn’t even want to diet at first, at all. That hearing at her two-week doctor appointment that she’d gained enough weight, all from my body feeding her, would make me feel prouder than anything ever had. That the weight I would now become obsessed with was hers, and it would be all about health. That my body would actually fit back into my jeans in six weeks, but that I would be way too comfy in leggings to bother with actual pants. And that my husband would tell me I’m sexy. Like, very often and with conviction.

They should’ve warned me that despite the exhaustion, waking up to tenderly care for her needs would be the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. That when it was just the two of us awake at 4 in the morning I would cherish the soft quietness of the whole world, cat at my feet and baby nursing in my lap, and cry because these days are fleeting. They should’ve warned me that watching her start to grow out of her newborn clothes would break my heart. That some days I would just stare at her for hours and not care about the deadlines I was missing. That her little cries and screams wouldn’t piss me off but would make me rise to action, that when I calmed and soothed her I would feel like a rockstar. That I would sleep. Maybe not every night and maybe not many hours in a row. But that my biggest upset about sleep would be that every time she napped on my chest I would worry that it would be the last time. That savoring her newbornness would become a full-time job and the best one I’d ever had.


They should’ve warned me that I would indeed get my nails done, but that I would sit in the pedicure chair texting her father compulsively because I missed them. That I would pick up a discarded Elle and watch a tear fall onto its table of contents. So much for relaxing, these postpartum pedicures!


They should’ve warned me that becoming a mommy would absolutely change every single thing, but that I would never want to go back and visit the “old” me, not even for a second. They should’ve warned me that my life was about to become so rich and beautiful and fulfilling, that I’d look back on what it was before and think, “Poor me. I didn’t know her yet.” IMG_5396

324 thoughts on “They Should’ve Warned Me”

  1. Love your blog! I can so identify with this posting, as I just had my little daughter on Nov 17 and I can’t believe how lucky and blessed I feel, even during her meltdowns, and my heart aches at how I don’t want a single bad thing to ever happen to her. Thank you for your wonderful writings.

  2. I couldn’t agree more with you. In fact, I found many of those warnings not even to be true! I’d love to link-up sometime. I am a fellow blogger. Love your site :)

  3. Oh if only!!! I’m a 62 yr old grandmother and wished I’d had your wisdom when mine were babies and not totally obsessed with a spotless house, too!
    Thank God for grand babies!!

  4. Amazing! That is all of our feelings after giving birth to our beautiful babies! Thank you for my wonderful stroll down memory lane with my two beautiful girls! God bless you and your family

  5. This was really so insightful! Thank you for telling the nitty-gritty of the thoughts a 1st. time mother to be has! I remember even between pregnancy’s, you forget so much.

  6. I totally love this post! I am three weeks away from my due date, and can’t even remember how many times I have heard the “sleep now while you still can” comment during the past months… but all I can think of is how much I’m looking forward to finally meeting my son!

  7. Yes… All true…. I always remember my mother telling me to call her as soon after my baby was put in my arms as I could… She told me that I would love the baby more than I understood, and when I called her all I said was…”you were right Mom…100% right!”❤️Your baby girl feels your love

      1. Actually if you count from when you conceived to your due date it is just under nine months.

        Technicalities aside this post is beautifully written. I have a nine month old and can relate to everything minus the part about getting back in your jeans six weeks postpartum. I’m jealous! I did make it there eventually though…

      2. Most months have more than 4 weeks. Plus you’re not actually pregnant for the first 2 weeks of the 40, so really, if you deliver at 40 weeks, you’re not even pregnant a full 9 months.

      3. No month is actually 4 weeks though. The average month is 4.3 weeks long. This whole 10 months thing is nonsense.

        1. Pregnancy used to be based on a lunar month and they were 28 days each. With the advent of the modern calendar the month consisted of 30 or 31 days except February and then 1 day added every four years. These changes helped alleviate extra time every few years. So, a pregnancy was 10 lunar months or 280 days but now is 9.3 months.

      4. “You’re not really pregnant the first 2 weeks”…You are pregnant from the first moment that Mr. Sperm wiggles his way into Ms. Eggie. LOL!!! That is the meaning of “conceived.”

        1. No, Sarah is right. The weeks are counted from the end of the last period before conception, which is usually two weeks before sperm meets egg. It’s done this way because it is much easier to establish that date than it is to establish the exact date of conception. anyway, that leaves you with 38 weeks from conception to birth which, assuming a month is 30 days, gives you 8.86 months of actual pregnancy.

      1. As has been pointed out above, the average months is more than 4 weeks / 28 days.

        If 40 weeks is really 10 months, then you’d have 2 4-week months left, putting the year at 48 weeks, which is obviously not correct. Conversely, 52 weeks in year divided by 4 weeks in a month would give us 13 months in a year, which is also wrong.

        To finish beating this dead horse, the conclusion is a month is only roughly 4 weeks long, and while that’s close enough when dealing with a few months, once you’re spanning most of a year it’s no longer a good estimate. If you work through the math and start with the actual conception time, a pregnancy typically is about 8.5 months.

        Which isn’t to take anything away from how difficult it is, of course!

        1. 8 months, 9 months, 10 month. 37, 38, 39 weeks. Ask any 3rd trimester pregnant women and it feels like 10092837261619 days, weeks and months. Every pregnancy is different in length and experience (maybe the blogger was 2 weeks “overdue”). Doesn’t change the post meaning or value. Quit bickering like hooligans

  8. Love this. So absolutely true. And don’t worry the weight after you have baby #2 doesn’t stick around forever, two pregnancies and many workouts later I’m back to a size 2 jeans. Still have stretch marks and I wear them like art, they remind me of the strength I had to carry my boys. So I am proud of them. The love for my boys grows more and more everyday. Oh and yes it is normal to look at your little bundle of joy and feel so much love and pride that you burst into tears. I have many many times.

  9. I’m currently pregnant and getting many of the same negative comments and feedback that you mentioned. I was just thinking how sad that people are so focused on all of that negativity. Hello, I’m creating a baby hear! Should we all be rejoicing?! Anyway, thank you so much for writing this and putting it out there so I could read it. It is exactly what I’ve needed to read ever since I became pregnant. Congratulations on your bundle of joy. Say a prayer for mine.

    1. I completely relate . My family are very supportive people . Constantly the “you can absolutely do this” , “childbirth is a miracle , you’ll never be happier than when you hold her!” But oh the dreadful in-laws . That whole family really . I had my baby shower last weekend and it was like they sat in a circle telling me how dreadful being a parent was . “What will you do at two in the morning when she wakes you up ?” My only reply is that I will gladly , even on the hardest of nights, consider it an honor to take care of my daughters needs . I cannot imagine anything I would rather be doing . I cannot think of anything more fulfilling than being a mother . I think it’s people who go into it thinking negatively that end up feeling like they can’t do this . It’s those people who take raising a child for granted . Look at it beautifully ! If this is your first child then it will be the biggest highlight of your entire life up until this point !

  10. As I sit here and read this I could instantly feel those joys of remembering my boys being born. I honestly don’t think as women hearing other mothers explain the experience we really truly understand until we’re experiencing it ourselves. My three boys are my world. They are the true definition of “the love(s) of my life” !!! Never in my life could I have ever imagined feeling and understanding the meaning of unconditional love until they came. How amazing is it that we are so lucky.!! I hear people complaining about how tired they are and how much work kids are . Well I say this always in reply ” somewhere somehow gods abundance shines through and we as mom get all those things were complaining about”. I agree 100% I wouldn’t want it any otherway. Being older now, those long nights and all nighters I have come to embrace because in the blink of an eye they’re not babes anymore. The advice I wish people would have given me was to cherish the time more. Honestly like the grandmother above was saying dishes can wait and so can the laundry my baby will only be a baby for so long. God bless you and family and may he bring you extra time to enjoy!!!!

  11. When I saw this pop up on my facebook newsfeed I was really hoping that THIS is what you’d say. I felt the exact same way. I always share with my nervous, pregnant friends that, when I was expecting, I thought so much about me and how I would be able to be the same person I was before I had my son. The minute I met him, those thoughts flew out the door. I’m not the same and I don’t want to be– and he’s an absolute miracle who I just adore!

  12. Love this. I actually have one friend that warned me about the love she felt the moment she saw her baby girl. But that was only one person that actually told the beautiful things… Everyone else just the uncomfortable aspect for them…which I did not experience from my perspective … I love being a mom and nothing it’s more important to me than my DD.

  13. I agree with everything except pregnancy being 10 months. You’re only pregnant for 10 months if every month is February :) And if you count the first 2 of the 40 weeks in which you’re not actually pregnant.

  14. I have three children–23, 16, and 4–and this post still brought tears to my eyes. Beautifully said!!
    BTW, what kind of book are you sort of writing?

  15. this post is amazing, and much needed! I’m pregnant with my first due in March and all the “just waits” and negativity is starting to wear on me! You gave me something to look forward too :) I wish more people would focus on the positives!!

  16. This is simply beautiful.
    I am due in about 2 weeks and have been bombarded by all of the so called “warnings.”
    So happy to hear it all turns out happily. :)
    Congrats – Momma!

  17. As you know woman’s cycles are figured on a 28 day time frame (think birth control pills). Human gestation is 280 days, which is 10 lunar months, or 10 cycles, or 40 weeks. It is neither 9 or 10 months by the Gregorian calendar, which is what we use.

  18. Absolutely LOVE THIS!! This is exactly what motherhood is all about. Whenever I see a new mom I just tell her, it’s the best thing that will EVER happen to her! Then I tell her she looks beautiful haha! I never want to be the debbie downer warning moms of all the bad things, because every single thing is totally worth it.

  19. I LOVED this blog! I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first baby girl due in late April. I am constantly hearing about all the things that are going to change and how my life will never be the same and I’m so tired of hearing them! I do get the occasional positive reinforcement from others, but not enough…. Why can’t I read this to everyone who has something negative to say?

  20. You made me cry. I have 9 and although it was sometimes exhausting I felt like that every single time. Our youngest is 12 now and I have no regrets. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  21. Well done! Reading this made me cry; cry for your happiness, cry for me 25 years ago when my daughter was born and I didn’t take the time to feel all this. Oh to be able to turn back the clock and do it over again……Best of luck to you and your precious baby girl, she’s lovely!!

  22. this is such a good post and absolutely true. I hated those warnings. I adore being a mom to my 12 week old son and I am just trying to soak everything in. I also have a blog and it would be great if you could check it out.

  23. Thank you for this. I have been desperate for this post for weeks. I’m pregnant with my first baby, and my entire pregnancy has been very hard on me. I’m so excited to meet my baby girl, and all the messages that focus on only the negatives of having a baby have been really breaking my spirit. When you’re suffering from prenatal depression and your whole body hurts, the last thing you need is a barrage of messages that sound like “Just wait…it all gets so much worse.” I’ll take all the bad. I just needed someone to say that there’s good, too.

    1. It is mostly good! Those folks are trying to be helpful. Even though it isn’t. Becoming a mommy is heavy, and it is the most amazing thing you will ever do. Listen to your heart, you will know what to do. And don’t be so stubborn to avoid reaching out for help. In a blink of an eye, your little bundle will be in your arms. And you won’t be able to contain your excitement. God bless and enjoy!

  24. This is also true of adoptive mothers. Your life is never the same…it is better! Yes, the lack of sleep, the spats between children, the constant responsibility of being on-duty 24/7, and all of the rest are true. But the love and the fulfillment of being a mom so far outweighs the negatives that they might as well not be there. And now that my children are grown and living their own lives, having their own families, and I see that I helped them grow to be who they are, that is the most satisfying thing I have done in my life. My two grandsons are a wonderful bonus and a chance to relive some of those wonderful times, as well. Continue to enjoy your baby. The housework will still be there.

  25. I just want to tell you Krista, that we’re expecting our first child in less than 90 days (YAY!) and we’re SO EXCITED about the ABOUNDING LOVE and JOY that await us- that we couldn’t care less about how exhausted and overwhelmed everyone says we’ll be!!! So many people have cynically told us about this precious short period of infancy as if its A BAD TIME (like all of what you said) … and we are both crystal clear that it’s going to take a lot of work and that it might get really tough, but if it were so simple and easy a path to take, it wouldn’t hold such profound and life-shifting REWARDS and HAPPINESS. SO WE ARE GRATEFUL and EXCITED! #BringItOn

    She read me this post today, and WE BOTH ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

    THANK YOU for casting some vision for us about the amazingly, extraordinarily BEAUTIFUL times that lie ahead!!!! =)

  26. This is so true! I recently lost my oldest daughter in a car accident. She was 7 years old and I remember feeling this exact save way when she was born. Thank you for this!

  27. This is beautiful. You never truly know the love you are capable of until you become a mother. My daughter is almost 6 months old and all I keep thinking is how unfair it is that infancy is so short. I always told myself, I will have her in her own room, in her crib, she will be able to fall asleep on her own, I don’t want to spoil her. How naive I was, as I lay her holding her to make sure she is fully asleep before I put her in her crib, next to my bed. The moments are short, enjoy all of them. Everyday I am amazed as she learned to make noises, roll over, found her feet, and said mama for the first time 3 days ago. Talk about a tear jerker! Thank you for this post, I’m going to save it and reread it on the rougher days, the fussy days, the days my husband works 14 hours and ism overwhelmed!

    1. I agree! I had my 4th child in September and I am keeping her in her bassinet next to my bed as long as I possibly can!! She is my last baby so I just want her to stay little forever!

  28. This was beautifully written. I have two wonderful boys and always heard the same warnings with both however I was never told about the most precious moments a mother could ever have.

  29. Thank you for this! I am 23 weeks pregnant and all the warnings of impending doom (from Everyone!) is incredibly overwhelming and scary. I needed to read this both of us did (me and my hubby). So thank you!


  31. Really wonderful. When I first started to read I thought it was going to once again another don’t do or do that thing. But I never thought I would be crying after reading . You are true. From now let’s spread the message of beautiful life is with a baby.

  32. I have two boys, one in college and one in high school. Trust me when I tell you that letting them go is much more difficult than anything I experienced when they were young. Enjoy every sleepless night while you can hold her in your arms, the time is fleeting and precious!

  33. This was very beautifully written and so true. But I do want to say that I appreciate the warnings as much as the positive aspects because it’s important for people to know that it is hard and those first few months you may feel overwhelmed and that that is natural because your whole life has been changed. I think anyone who says you will never get frustrated and love every second of everyday either has a very short term memory, is putting on a front or has the easiest baby ever. So I think it’s good to know both the good and the bad. I heard so much from so many people about the love you would feel and I also heard warnings about how hard it would be. Both you will never fully appreciate until you actually have the baby and see for yourself.

  34. What a beautiful piece. My husband and I are planning to have kids soon, and this gave me more encouragement than you know. I want to keep our marriage alive and fun, while adding a kiddo (which is no small amount of work I understand!). This is proof positive that it can happen, and does happen, all the time for those who invest their time and love into it. Thank you!!

  35. I know you’ve gotten a lot of these, but thank you so much for this. You wrote it very beautifully, and it conveys all the excitement I am feeling as our first is due the end of next month. I don’t listen to anyone at all who has anything bad to say. I actually have stopped both family, friends and strangers mid-sentence who want to give me ‘advice’ and I ask them first if it is about something negative (like labor pains or not sleeping after she’s born) and if it is I politely tell them that we’re focusing on the positives please.
    Whether we have children or not, we all already know all the warnings and negatives that come with having children, we don’t need to keep reinforcing them in the minds of those who are about to go through it. We need to remind them of all the positives.

  36. My little boy is 16 days old today. This post is just what I needed to read. Being a new mom can be really hard sometimes but there is so much to love. The faces he makes just crack me up, so enjoy the little things. I agree with the post about seeing your husband in a new light, I knew he was a great guy before, but seeing him gently hold our tiny son is a joy. Thank you for writing this, it reminds me to cherish each minute.

  37. So true! And for the record, the weight came off in 6 weeks with my SECOND one….without a lot of effort. So, as you already know, don’t believe everything (almost anything!) you hear! :)

  38. I normally don’t post comments but I had to add because there is no follow up here. I have 2 children now 8 and 11 and I got the same warnings. When I had my first child, until he started to crawl I thought all of these “negative people” were crazy as well. I thought how easy is this…lol. I love my children more than life itself, but after they start moving, or you decide to have another child, it gets hard. Very, very challenging. I would not change my decision to have kids EVER but until I see some pictures of your little bundle of joy at her, lets say maybe her, 4th birthday, and see if you are still in this bliss phase, I would take this article a little more seriously. Or at least acknowledge the fact that raising a baby is tough and not all absolute joy. To make the mothers who do struggle with being overwhelmed feel bad. Mothers know how wonderful their babies are, and when they are born, you fall in love instantly, but it was actually nice to have all those warnings to make you appreciate what you had, while you still had it:)

    1. The love that overwhelms you when you hold that bundle is so real. It happens with each and every one that you decide to have. Those “warnings” were not to dissuade you but to help you if you found yourself overwhelmed. You are so lucky to have a baby that is happy and healthy. Motherhood is the most difficult job that any woman will face. I was one of the lucky ones. My babies were so happy and they slept through the night at 2 or 3 months, but when they got older each had special needs that did challenge me and there were times when I didn’t know what to do. Would I change my life, NEVER in a million years. Even today with my children grown and having children of their own I still worry about them and when I talk to them or see them I get the largest lump in my throat and just want to hug them forever.

      Just remember that overwhelming feeling of love will always be there.

  39. Thank you for this, I needed it today. I have two under two and it can be so trying sometimes but they are my greatest joys. Thanks for the encouragement and the reminder.

  40. Thank you so much for this! Beautiful! Our society demeans motherhood so much. It’s nice to see it being celebrated as rewarding and fulfilling and beautiful!

  41. So beautiful! Your descriptions of those precious days took me right back to the overwhelming feelings of love I had when my son was born 18 years ago, especially waking up at night with him and loving that time. I struggled some, though, and did have post partum depression that was successfully treated. But years later, I mostly remember the love and the awakening I experienced . . . your words are a call to all parents, of children of all ages, to focus on what’s really important . . . and most of all savor every single moment. If anyone reads this who is struggling a bit, take heart that you to can successfully and positively navigate post partum months and you, too, will have real memories of love and even joy.

  42. Thank you for sharing. I am due with my first in May and am super nervous! Everyone feels the need to scare you and it works!

    1. I had my daughter on the first of May and I remember being scared to death of all the unknowns. I chose to have a 100% natural birth and it was the best decision I could have ever made. My little angel was 8# 7oz of healthy beauty. My doctor informed me that epidurals can cause labor to take longer and that there are numerous complications that can arise that can make this more difficult. While many people swear by their epidurals, the pain of labor isn’t really that bad. Don’t get me wrong, it is the most pain I have ever experienced, but looking back on it now, it could have been worse. The best advice I can give you is to not hold in your worries and confide in your hubby as he is there to hold your hand and listen to every waking moment of it.

      1. While that may be true for many women, my epidural actually allowed me to relax and my body to do what it needed to and my labor progressed faster than if I would have had my baby “naturally.” It’s all about knowing your own body and making the right choice for you. As long as we all walk out with a healthy baby, shouldn’t that be all that matters?
        I get so tired of the “mommy shaming” over the never ending list of things that up for debate in the mommy Internet world.

      2. What a GREAT post!!! To respond to a comment here about 100% natural (what does THAT mean)… I’ve given birth to 5, yep, five babies. 2 were without epidurals, 3 were with. And the epidurals were almost a must, allowing my body to relax so I could progress, otherwise, I would have been there contractions going nowhere, for days. The other two came on so fast, I didn’t have time to even think about an epidural. All 5 were one push, yep, ONE push each… I was lucky. All were healthy births, no complications. My point, as many have said here, you do what’s best for YOU. No shame. Whatever you and your doctor choose, is exactly what’s best for YOU. And those babies make you forget any pain you felt, almost immediately! Oh, the only downfall of the epidurals, your legs are a little wobbly for a beat afterwards and you may need help going to the bathroom! Don’t you worry, it will be one of the best memories of your life, whatever you decide!

      3. Krista I disagree with you in thinking she’s mommy shaming she just sharing her experience. I know other fellow mommy’s that have tried an epidural and only numbed one side of their body. Their are other pain management options. Everyone should weight the pros and cons to choose for themeselves. Nothing wrong with pain management if you need it. I was lucky both my labours four years apart were extremely fast that pain management wouldn’t of kicked in til after labour was done.

      4. Amber, I think it’s important to note in response to this discussion that while you can choose to *attempt* a natural birth… You cannot choose to *have* one. Much in labor and delivery is beyond the control of any doctor, midwife, or mother. That’s why we talk about “managing” labor.
        You chose to attempt a natural birth on the advice of your doctor, who knew your situation and health circumstances. Someone else might make very different decisions with her doctor, who also knows her individual circumstances. This is not an issue to make into a mommy-shame debate.

    2. Although I had my first child 24 years ago, I can tell you for a fact that there is no greater joy than giving birth. The pain is forgotten (really!) All you will remember is the instant love you feel. I hope you have a quick, painless delivery in May. Good luck to you and may you have a happy, healthy baby.

    3. Do not believe the hype! Child birth is not torturous unbearable pain that u will have to endure. The contractions suck, but once u get the epidural it’s a cakewalk. And if u don’t, I hear the recovery time is faster and u forget the pain immediately!
      Once u have that baby in ur arms, nothing else in the world matters, and everything everyone said is irrelevant and nonsense.
      I was told boys are a pain, they don’t learn as fast as girls do, they are stubborn, they pee all over u. It’s simply not the case, except the peeing, he did do that lol
      Good luck to u! And I pray ur childbirth is as easy as mine was!

    4. Don’t be scared my baby is 24 already and expecting his first baby. If I could go back to the minute he was conceived I would do it in a heart beat. Pregnancy, child birth and raising a baby is the most rewarding and perfect thing I have ever done. Cherish your pregnancy and that little bundle you have growing in you its magical.

    5. It’s like this every time I had my girls all four of them each of them the same in a way but very different needs and wants just because they grow out of their “baby forms” does mean there is not going to be joys of tears as you watch them grow into a wonderful person. Just simply enjoy everything.

    6. I’m also due in May with my first! Getting the same scary stories as well. It’s so refreshing to read this sweet perspective. Sent it to my husband and he LOVED IT! I’m so excited to meet my little guy.

    7. What is it with the childbirth process that everyone thinks they can weigh in on other people’s business?? How one choose to go through a very personal experience is their own and one of anyone else’s business. If you don’t need meds, how lucky for you (and no need to tell everyone about it because no one cares) and you did need meds it doesn’t make you less of a mother. The only thing that matters is the end product you raise, that child who grows up into a kind, caring, responsible adult (and those who lose a child would give anything for one more day).

    8. :) Congratulations! You will do great! Know how I know? It sounds like you care enough to be nervous. If there is one thing I learned from my first this past year, it is that we mom’s need to stick together, and I want you to know you are not alone in being a new mom! Good luck! And many blessings to you!!

    9. My first baby is 8 weeks old today. Don’t be afraid of labor or anything after. If you need an epidural, get one. If you can’t breastfeed, bottle feed. Do what is best for YOUR family, not what everyone else says. If you have questions, ask your doctors. It is not as scary as everyone makes it out to be. I had the same problem while I was pregnant and took everything with a grain of salt. Labor was fine- it hurt but it wasn’t terrible- and everything else that followed was fine. You will do great! Wishing you a happy, healthy rest of your pregnancy and baby!

  43. Having a newborn is a miracle, enjoying your children at every age will be the best years of your life. When they are grown and gone and the house is empty and quiet you will miss every moment of the noise, messes, homework, tears, and laughter that used to be. If your really lucky you will have Grandkids that live in the same town so you can see them often. You will love them just as much as your own babies. Cherish every moment, even the hard ones.

    1. Pennie is 100% right! Don’t let people make you feel bad about what is to come. It is your time, your family, your way to grow with your baby. The joys will outweigh any tough times. Best wishes to you. Ann C.

    2. Pregnancy in itself is a beautiful miracle from God. He chose you to carry and care for that sweet baby. When your little one arrives, all your questions, fears, and doubts just vanish. The second your eyes lock theirs it is instant.. “I am yours and you are mine and I will go to the end of the world and back for you if I had to”
      Your life does change, schedules are no longer relevant and if they happen to get on a pattern, it will most likely change… but it is exciting! You learn everyday with your little one. I personally, learned God’s love for me on such a deep level cause I realized I couldn’t do it all on my own. That baby is such a gift and such a blessing. Every second of your life before baby and with baby happened for a reason. Dont forget, that bobos will happen, mistakes too. You might forget things a time or two but that YOU were CREATED for this journey, God is with you!

  44. I’m crying tears of happiness for you and for me – a new first-time dad of a lovely 7 week old girl. You have expressed your feelings beautifully. Thank you for sharing your wonderful experience.

  45. My children are grown. The youngest is 19 and will be moving soon. I wish that looking back, I could have seen what wonderful times they were. This is such a beautiful attribute to motherhood. You have one lucky baby and husband to share their lives with you!

  46. my husband sent it to me this morning and i’m now fairly certain I have read it about 5 times. this couldn’t have come at a better time after I announced yesterday that i’m stopping reading pregnancy community boards because it’s creating all kinds of fear mongering in me. I want to focus on the positives. and THIS blog just pointed out the biggest positives. I am saving this and referring back to it whenever I feel anxious or stressed out about our lives changing forever in August. thank you :) :) :)

    1. Check out mommyish . com. It’s a bunch of moms that post blogs. They’re pretty hilarious & make motherhood feel lighter, at least for me. Some blogs are kind of judgy, but it’s interesting to read their sides anyway. I found them through another sight, & since then, I’ve been a follower lol. Good luck with your new baby! :)

  47. thank you!!! This is so true in so many ways!!! Having my little boy has changed my life and has made me want to be a better person!!! And I’m so mad when I’m away from him while working!! Those minutes and hours of work are the worst!!

  48. Thank you for sharing this amazingy heart felt post. I am a mom of 3 and everyone warned me about all the negative things; they left out all the positive. Tears of joy are definitely a real thing. I cried when I met all three of my beautiful children and I’m sure I’ll cry when I meet my fourth when the time comes (we haven’t started trying yet, but plan to in the next year).

    Cherish every moment of her baby months because they do pass by too fast!

  49. Thank you for posting!!!! My husband would love children right now but until i read your post I was scared to death. You have truly made a difference thank you!!

    1. Don’t be scared. Once you have a child, there isn’t a moment that goes by that you don’t feel like you’ve finally found what you were searching for your whole life. My only regret after having my son is that I didn’t have him sooner :)

  50. I have 4 children and 5 grandchildren. They are all the lights of my world. I was told at one time that I would never be able to have children and it was devastating. I feel so grateful and blessed, and I’m thankful every single day.

  51. Thank you so much for this. I’m due in 5 weeks and have been so overwhelmed by everyone’s warnings- to the point where I’d momentarily forgotten why we’d decided to do this to begin with! Reading this was a wonderful gift, thank you, thank you, thank you.

  52. This brings tears to my eyes! You really said this so beautifully! I have a 10 month old son and I seriously look at him every single day and think about how lucky I am. It’s true that there are many things that you may have to give up or simply do differently, but it’s also true that it is so worth it and I can’t even picture my life without my son for a single second!

  53. Absolutely beautifully written and so very spot on, tears all over myself you are wonderful for sharing this.

  54. I have 5 children and a brand new grandchild I too when I read what you have written wish I could have appreciated that time more now you have summed it up perfectly I will share this with my daughter I know she feels the same way that you do

  55. I loved this! First time mom to a beautiful 10 week old baby girl, and you have perfectly described exactly how I feel. She is just growing out of her newborn clothes, and I cried as I packed them away. Thank you for sharing your words!

  56. This absolutely breaks my heart. I was forced to have an abortion by my parents at 16. I know i wasn’t mature enough to raise a baby and had no money. I was a child myself and didn’t even have a drivers license yet. But every single day I think about what things would be like. Hearing all the things about pregnancy are scary. I’m almost 30 now and I’m too scared to have a baby because of all the things my parents and the abortion counselor told me about pregnancy a long time ago. Reading things like this make me so sad.

    1. Amanda- My heart hurts for your heart! I am so sorry for your loss and do know that you do have a choice now if you want a child. Sending you a loving hug!

      1. Oh Amanda…my heart hurts for your loss…and for the fear that was put into your hearts by others…you deserve to be a mother & experience all that you have missed…please do not let your fears overwhelm you, dear…as a mother of two…I can tell you that there is no greater joy than being a parent…my thoughts & prayers are with you…

    2. To lose a child, is absolutely heartbreaking, whether by “choice” or not….though it sounds like you didn’t have much choice in the matter. I’m so sorry you had to go through that!!! I waited forever to try to have kids, after taking an anatomy class that focused on embryology. I saw everything that could go wrong and decided that I wasn’t ever going to have kids!!

      Fast forward many years, and my husband and I decided to try. I have lost one pregnancy a year for the past two years (one at 8 weeks, one at 23 weeks). It has been VERY hard!!! I’m finally 23 weeks with my third, and all looks well. Yes, stuff can go wrong, and when it does, it hurts like hell, but if you really desire to have a child, you can try! If this one doesn’t work out, I’m done trying, but I’m praying she’ll continue to be healthy.

      I hope you find some peace about what happened when you were 16, I can imagine how much your heart hurts, as mine has been hurting too. Much love and healing to you! <3 <3 <3

    3. Amanda so sorry for your loss, but God does have a plan for you right now. He loves you and can use you in His kingdom. There is no changing the past but there hope for the future. I have three grown daughters and seven grandchildren who have brought much joy but also some regrets. I would encourage you to get some Christian counseling so you can forgive your parents and doctor and move forward. Perhaps you can adopt and/or support a woman going through an unplanned pregnancy. Don’t give up at thirty, the years pass too quickly. I whispered a prayer for God to guide you. Sara

    4. Amanda, i understand your fear, i went through similar thing, then had my son when i was 19 and was sterilised at 21 after a termination i never got over. it broke my heart because my soul wanted it so badly and i still cry over her sometimes. but when i was 30 i met someone who made the world feel different, we got married and i got it sterilisation reversed when i was 33 because i decided i would do it on purpose and it has been a monumental experience, i now have two little girls and although everyday is filled with new excitement and challenges, i happy not only that i was able to go through what i did to get them, but that it has helped heal what happened before. that isnt to say it is right for everyone, but what is right is to allow yourself to grieve your lost baby and heal yourself with the love for it. i wrote mine letters and drew pictures because i had no where else to express it. you are not alone, you didnt do a bad thing, it may have been a hard thing that you didnt want to do, but that doesnt make you a bad person, dont punish yourself, tell yourself and your lost baby that you didnt do it because you wanted to hurt anyone, and niether did your parents and you have never lost the love for the tiny one who stayed with you for a time x

  57. Thank you for this lovely post! I would like to warn you, however,…that you will love EVERY age and will start crying the fall of her Senior year because the time has gone too fast. Your heart will again burst when you see her thriving as an adult and as much as you love her, there is something more sweet when she becomes a new mom and you hear a precious little voice calling you Grandma. But that is a long time away…just wanted you to know it just keeps getting better.

  58. Cute article.. But fyi, 40 weeks is not 10 months as there are not exactly 4 weeks in each month, there are an average of 4.35 weeks in each month. Also, you are technically not pregnant the first two weeks because they start counting at the first day of your last period and conception occurs roughly two weeks after that date.

    1. Wow! That’s what you took from this article!?!? So sad that from such a beautiful article you felt the need to be critical about 40 weeks and how that equates in months. I’m sorry for you Kristen, your probably one of the people talking about how terrible things will be when actually it’s the greatest miracle and blessing.

    2. I think what she meant was that even after you have the baby you don’t instantly go back to the way you were before, your body still has some adjusting to go through the next couple months. It isn’t like you have the baby and are back to normal. I also think she is aware that one is technically pregnant for 9 months, if they make it a full 40 weeks. I think she was just trying to be witty when she said that.

    3. Exactly!! I stopped reading the post as soon as I read that statement and will go back to read the rest after. You can visualize it easier on a calendar but 40 weeks is 9 months and 6 days. So you’re really only 9 months pregnant for 6 days of your pregnancy unless you deliver late… However we can all agree there are 52 weeks in a year and we can also all agree there are only 12 months in a year… you’re saying 40 weeks makes 10 months but that would mean that the last 12 weeks somehow are shoved into those last 2 months of the year OR you’re saying there are 13 months in a year. Both are incorrect, of course. Again, put the first day of your last period on a calendar and count out 40 weeks. 9 months (and 6 days). Better yet, find your child’s birthday on a calendar and count out 40 weeks. They would have just passed their 9 month mark… Not yet 10 months old.

      1. When I was a nurse decades ago, they would refer to the length of a pregnancy as “10 lunar months”. Since a lunar month is 28 days, that’s 280 days, or 40 weeks. So, in a way, it is 10 months, just not 10 calendar months! Not that it matters. I have no kids, but the article is beautiful and touching. Would that all mothers felt this way….

  59. Thank you for reminding me the reason why I wanted to have children. Since becoming pregnant, so many people have said things that incite doubt and fear.

  60. You couldn’t have said it any better! Although I was sleep deprived I loved the late night feeding and cuddling, it was extra time with our son in the very fleeting newborn phase. He’s almost 8 months old now and it’s amazing how fast the time goes:) Enjoy every minute!!

  61. Pregnancy, childbirth, is a journey of love and so joyful! I had my children 5 yrs apart so I could enjoy EVERY sweet moment with them. They are now 44 and 38 and are great friends! I am blessed with 7 grandchildren and treasure the fun times with each of them. Though I am a VERY YOUNG 70yr old…I have LOVED being a NANNY for busy working families for the past 8 years. I know how hard it is on the mothers’ hearts to leave their little ones, so I take pictures and email them to families every week that I work. Every baby is unique and precious, being involved in their lives is my BLISS.

  62. You must have been talking to the wrong people because my children, now 26,27,and 28 are my greatest accomplishments.

  63. Truth. I felt so inundated with negativity before my first that I started reacting angrily when people forecasted my doom. Then they would invariably try and laugh it off and tell me how great it would be. Then why make it seem terrible in the first place???? It almost amounts to a sort of bullying, like…hey Im unhappy so Im gonna make sure you hate life too…effing sad

  64. I wasn’t told much. I still brought my daughter everywhere . Brought her to college, lived at a shelter worked plus went to college while I had her without a father. I already had a rough life so taking care of my little girl wasn’t anything I complained about. I averaged 4-6 hours of sleep a night and breast fed at least part time for a year. My daughter and I are like best friends. She gets mostly As at her Catholic school. She was the most caring sensitive sweetheart I’ve ever had in my entire life. She still is. Now I’m married with my second one on the way also not planned and I’ll do the same with this one. Go with the flow. I’ll still not have stretch marks and I’m still barely young enough to do a few more runways. You can still have fun with kids. I absolutely hate it when people say you can’t really do much with kids. Please! Get a freaking babysitter each week. If you don’t want to spend quality time with your kids maybe you shouldn’t have any to start with.

  65. You said it.
    Abby will be 3 months old tomorrow, and all the warnings in the world couldn’t prepare me for the wonder that is being a mother to my little girl.

    Thank you.

  66. I didn’t make the 40 week mark with my child. I had her at 36.5 weeks. So I was only pregnant for 9 months. Lucky me.

  67. This couldn’t have found me at a better time. I’m 39 years old and 31 weeks pregnant with my first and still wake up in the middle of the night crying because a child was never in my plan. I sometimes even deal with anger towards myself because I was careless and let this happen. I refuse to feel guilty for feeling this way, after all these are my true feelings. Everyone tells me my heart will change when I hold her in my arms but that’s what they said about seeing the first ultrasound, hearing her heartbeat for the first time and feeling her move in my belly and nothing changed for me then. My husband, family and friends are completely ecstatic but I’ve only been going through the motions. Yes, I have the nursery finished, her closet is full of beautiful clothes and I take care of myself but that’s the fun and easy part right? I don’t read all of the books and articles because I’m already freaked out enough as it is. Please don’t take this post in a completely negative way. I know I’ll love her and be a good mom because I want to be but children are life changing and should be! I may have to work harder at the things that come so natural for other women but I WILL do it. Normally I would skip over any pregnancy article to pop up in my news feed but something made me read this and I’m so thankful for it. All of your fears are my fears and by the end I was thinking differently. :)

  68. happy tears are indeed a thing, ihave cried at evryone of my childrens christmas plays, when they sing me a song they have just learned, as much as i felt my heart melt when i saw their eyes turn to me when they were born. i have felt torn apart when they cut themselves or when they scream with frustration or sadness. that isnt to say that they havent had me tearing my hair out but, i miss them as soon as i have dropped them into childcare, and that doesnt go away, my eldest left home when he was 18, it took two months for me to open the door to his old room and even longer to stop just crying occasionly, it was alost like grieving, and he is only a few miles away and i see him regularly, but he is still my little piece of magic and the holder of my heart, my raison d’etre number one, as are my two daughters at 6 and 2 x

    1. You’ll be okay. It’s actually good for you to examine the so-called “negative” feelings, because there is a lot about being a parent that isn’t always great. That said, it seems people don’t talk much about the joy involved.

      Also, I had my first child at 36 and my second at 39 (okay, 39 and 46 weeks), and it is a BIG change from having your whole life to yourself to not having it that way anymore. It may take you some time, but I think you’ll eventually grow into the new “you.”

  69. OK yes childbirth hurts
    But so does everything else too!
    And you absolutely forget all the pain, as soon as you hold YOUR baby..
    And surprisingly enough, you’d do it again…
    My babies are 34 and 32..and they have babies…it’s so amazing to see your baby have a baby..

  70. You took the words right from me! I had so many people bore me or worry me with their cliche’s when i was pregnant! More woman should share with others the beauty you captured…as embrace these moments because nothing lasts forever! Thank you for sharing!!

  71. This is one of the most heart-touching articles I have ever read! Thank you :). I have 4 babies (7,4,2, and 4 months) and I agree 100% with everything you wrote. As I am up feeding my baby every night I thank God for giving me my children as I look into her beautiful face. Fortunately, I was able to quit my job after my last baby and it makes me sad to see what I have missed with my first 3 by returning to work. Yes- our lives change but for the better! Being a mommy is the GREATEST gift ever!! I will be sharing this article for others to read!

  72. I loved this post! I am currently expecting my first and get so tired of only “horror” stories and the “just you wait” and “enjoy your sleep now”. I know it will be hard in ways my husband and I can’t even imagine yet, but thank you so much for the reminder that it will be beautiful and amazing and wonderful too–and that we will figure it out!

  73. I agree with everything you said and you said it wonderfully and thank you for the reminders of all the best things having a child bring!

    Also remember that those warnings, yes they sound negative, but are also needed. For a parent who has their first child who doesn’t stop crying for 5 months, and you and your husband try everything to help this bundle of joy, but they will not sleep or stop crying you need to hear the be prepared “negative” things. It helps make you feel not crazy and alone, you need to hear life is tough with a new born its not easy but it does get easier, then you can appreciate all the things you listed above. So if you have a easier baby (no baby is easy) then the happy things are easier to notice. But at first with a really tough baby these warnings are so helpful. But you always make it through, its a short amount of time in the most rewarding and amazing thing you can possible do in your life!!

    How ever its said, having babies is the best thing in the world!

  74. I find it annoying & hilarious that everybody & their mother feels the need to warn you about what happens…or rather, what happened to THEM. Everybody kept asking me if I was sure that I was only having 1 baby when I was pregnant with my son because I was nothing but belly & I guess big enough that I looked like I was having twins. Telling me “your so going to ask for an epidural” & “your going have a c section”
    Those same people’s jaws dropped low enough to the ground that you can fit a vehicle in when I told them that my labor was 3hrs long, I had no pain meds, I delivered my son without ripping or tearing & that he weighed a whopping 10lbs 1oz and 23in long. That was when I told them “next time, keep your warnings to yourself. They were very unwelcomed & unnecessary.”

  75. There will always be negativity in this world and with that comes fear. What we put out there comes back to us. Think positive and positive will come back. Having a child is a miracle and a blessing and an abundance of this overwhelming joy and love you will experience only from having a child. Childbirth is a different experience for everyone, but what you have to focus on is the outcome….a miracle that you created and that I itself is worth any labor pain or sleepless night you may encounter. Who ever said all things in life came easy? That’s not reality. You pick that head up high and say to yourself “I am going to do this! I am going to have this baby and I’m going to do this! I am strong!!”. What the mind believes the body achieves!

  76. I had my first one natural and childbirth was the worst pain I had ever experienced in my life. Towards the end, I was trying to get up out of the stirrups to jump out of the window. For my second, I had not one but two epidurals set and paid in advance in case one didn’t get to the hospital on time. It was worth the extra $500.00. Maybe some of you moms are superwomen,
    but I can’t handle that much pain. I would have paid $10k or more for that epidural if that’s what
    they charged.

  77. So very well written. The choice of pain management makes no difference. I have 3 sons, the youngest soon to be 19. Cherish every moment. One more point, I’m also the mother of a 9 year old adopted Chinese daughter. That “pregnancy” was 3 years long and I fell in love with her instantly when my angel walked into the room. But during that “pregnancy” people shared a boat load of negativity to scare me. There will always be negative people. Trust in yourself and what you hold in your heart, always.

  78. This is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! My first child was born by c-section, after 32 hours of labor with out an epidural I finally gave in and got it! Seven minutes after receiving it my babies heartbeat dropped immensely and I was rushed to the OR! My epidural was turned off and they said they had to proceed her heart rate had flatlined!! I told then I wasn’t numb but if I had waited I could face losing her so I braces myself and screamed then I heard her cry! The most beautiful blessing ever to my ears! She was fine! I was out to sleep immediately and sent to recovery for hours! After hearing my story everybody said “I couldn’t have done that!” I didn’t know or think *I could either but I had to! I was her mommy and I had to! Although it was very crucial I would do it over and over to save my babies!

  79. It just gets more amazing as time passes. Take videos and watch them later. I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old, both girls. They are my best friends and I still love every moment, even the tough stuff because it is molding and shaping us. Growth continues for us women until the end of our days.

  80. I love this. I’ll be meeting my little girl in a little over a month. It has been like this for me too, a bunch of warnings. I’ve begun to dread parenthood to an extent, to think of it as more of a job. At the same time, I am super excited and happy. This article mirrors my feelings on how it might be for me.

  81. What a truly beautiful post. I got so sick of being told how everything was about to change before the birth of my son. Three months on I feel as content as I’ve ever been. I can’t wait to tell my next friend that gets pregnant how wonderful it all is. Thank you for sharing.

    1. Such a beautiful post! We just found out that we are pregnant with our first little angel and the negative “warnings” have commenced, with gusto! We are trying our best to ignore them but they can take a tole. It’s sad to me that people think it is appropriate to subject new moms to their unsolicited negativity. Thank you for writing such a wonderful piece! I cried like a baby while reading (maybe some pregnancy hormones in action). Happy tears! I can’t wait to show this to my husband.

  82. Thank you so much for this! I feel the exact same way. It’s shocking how many negative comments continue to flood my way now that my beautiful baby is 2 months old. “Just wait until she’s a teenager and hates you.” is one I heard today. I couldn’t believe my ears! Thankfully I have been trying hard to learn to let those comments bounce away and not sink in. We need more posts like these! Kudos!

  83. Maybe now wasn’t the best time to read this. I’m due with my second any day now, and the breastfeeding part really hurt. I struggled with low supply with my first, and it broke my heart when they made me put him on formula because he was barely back at his birthweight by one month old. And I really hope I don’t have to go through that again with his baby brother.

    That said, I have the sweetest, friendliest almost 3-year-old, and the rest of this really rings true. He was well-worth the two years of heartache it took us to have him, and I’m sure this one will be the same way :)

    1. I just had to comment that i went thru the exact scenarios you did…2 1/2 yrs of losses until blessed with our soon to be 4yr old this jan. Very low milk supply and it sent him to the NICU for a week because of dehydration. Had to supplement with formula and I felt guilty every day for months. This time around I decided I would do my best but if needed, would supplement…did not want a repeat of last time, it was scary. Well, I had another beautiful boy in July, low milk supply again, but carried on with both breast/formula & was able to really enjoy these precious moments so much more this time around. My advice to you is do your best; if breastfeeding doesn’t work out DON’T feel guilty. These moments fly by too fast to be wasted with guilt!

  84. Hmmm, I love my three kids, and am excited for the fourth on the way. I am so thankful to have them, but I had a very different experience than this article describes. I’m happy some mom feel this way immediately but I would also want moms-to-be to know that sometimes it takes time to bond and sometimes you don’t just slip back into your pre-pregnancy jean (ever again because your hips expanded during pregnancy) and sometimes you struggle trying to figure out who the new you is and you can’t do all the things you’d like or used to do. But that’s okay too. Hope that you have the perfectly magical moment when your child is born, but if you stare at it for several weeks and are overwhelmed by the sheer responsibility of caring for a little person for the rest of your life, that’s okay too. It will come eventually and you’ll figure it out. It gets better and sometimes you just have to grow into your role as mom. I’d want people to know that’s okay too. You can be thankful for every minute with your new baby, but always know that struggling trying to figure it all out is okay too. You’ll make it through. Make sure you have a support system to encourage you. Don’t feel guilty if you struggle and every moment isn’t perfect. The good moments with your kids will make the other moments of struggle worth it. I don’t regret a single moment, but it took me a while to figure it all out. And I want moms to know that’s okay too.

    1. Thank you for making me feel like im not the only one who did not feel at all like the sweet lady in this article.

    2. Thanks for this. Expecting my first and found your comment more realistic (for the kind of person I am) AND comforting than the original article (which I appreciated also but made me worried).

    3. I kept thinking with my first I felt this way almost to a tee. my son I think things were so crazy from his birth and him being the second it wasn’t entirely the same initial connection love him to pieces even tho he is a crazy one lol

    4. Yes. Thank you, Nicole. Because this blog made me feel like {%^}. I love my 3 year old and I’m a responsible mom but you couldn’t pay me enough to revisit those baby years. Of course, I’m considering doing it again because I now can understand what “this too shall pass” means, and I believe my precious daughter deserves a sibling but I imagine I’m just going to grit and bear a #**$load of stuff for the first year or two. At least, having been there, I’ll now know it’s worth it.

    5. Thank you Nicole! This is so me. That’s probably why I’m more of the “warning” type. It has taken awhile for me to get this figured out, but I feel it happening slowly but surely. I’m grateful to read responses like yours that eases the feelings of guilt for not being a natural mom. Thank you!

    6. Thanks for sharing your experience Nicole. The original story is beautiful and there is a lot of truth to it, but it is also the kind of fairy tale type reality that causes some people to have very high expectations for themselves. Parenthood isn’t always all happiness and joy. Children get sick, spouses aren’t always supportive, hormones can rage out of control. Postpartum depression is very real and very paunful, not every mother falls instantly, deeply in love with their child, that is a reality too. That doesn’t mean there aren’t also very beautiful and amazing experiences in becoming a mother once you seek help and work your way through all of that.

  85. all I have to say is that although I absolutely love my three children, 23, 15, 12 yo, I can’t wait to be done with child rearing and have time for me. When I see a new or expecting mom, I don’t scare her, but a joyous inner me yells “ha ha it’s not me this time, I’m almost done!!!” And THAT is a good feeling.

  86. This was beautiful, thank you for sharing. I too had so many people trying to scare me but it was more for my second and third pregnancies. Then it was all about how hard and terrible having more kids is and I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to handle it. But when the 2nd & 3rd arrived they fit right into our lives and it was so much easier than I expected. Plus I was more relaxed but also more aware of how fast it goes and cherished each stage so much.

  87. This is so beautiful! What an inspiring and hope filled post! I’m not nearly so scared to be a mom now :)

  88. Yes, when they are teenagers, they may hate you, but when they are 20 somethings, they start to really appreciate all you are to them and who you are to them … and it’s a wonderful thing… they go through lots of fazes, but our love for them only grows more and more with every single year …

  89. Oh my gosh. I’m 11 weeks today and I bawled through this entire post. I even had to get up and walk away and come back to read the rest. I blame the pregnancy – but also, this is such an amazing and relieving reminder of what’s to come. I’m so tired of the warnings already, and I haven’t even started getting them from perfect strangers yet. So thank you. You made my first pregnancy a little easier to take, and my future a lot brighter.

  90. Thank you so much for writing this! It was refreshing to read something about how amazing my life will be rather than everything I will be “losing.” I’m only 17 weeks along with my first but it doesn’t stop people from giving me unwanted and cliche “advice.” I loved every part of this! Well done.

  91. What a beautiful article. And I can truly say that with each new life you bring into this world, you appreciate these moments just the same, if not more. They grow up to be 6 and drive you crazy and right when you may rip your hair out, they tell you that you are beautiful without makeup and whisper in your ear in the middle of play time to say “mom, I love you”. And all those memories flood your heart over again… each a bittersweet ending to an age, but a wonderful new beginning.

  92. This is absolutely amazing. Congratulations on your beautiful bundle of joy – and an even more fulfilling life. I’m 22 weeks pregnant with a baby boy and we can’t wait. :)

  93. Yes yes yes!!!!! As a first-time mom of a 1 year old, I can TOTALLY relate to this! Motherhood has been challenging but soooooo completely rewarding. My baby girl has been my joy and my delight during one of the most difficult years of our lives. Congrats on your little one! <– our story

  94. My son is now just over 4 months old and was born with a hypoxic brain injury. Now that the initial fear of losing him is over and the petrifying worry has faded, I realize my life has become a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments and therapists visits. Schedules and alarms for medications and feeding times. Even so-even with all of the challenges and heartache we have conquered and will continue to face, I have never been more happy or more in love. Even though my smallish bear isn’t “normal”–he is perfect. Every feature. Every sound. Every moment is perfect. My favorite part of the day is when I lay him against my chest & listen to him breathe as he falls asleep. The look in his eye as he recognizes my face–that look of total, unadulterated trust–is something only a mother will ever know. I do my best to only pass along the things my friends need to know to have a safe, healthy pregnancy and then to focus on the positive experiences I have with my son.

  95. This is such a comforting and reassuring piece to read while being four months pregnant with my second child. Someone should have warned me how consuming and amazing it would feel to be a pregnant mother again 15 years after my first son was born and my life would be so incredible. Kudos to you for being so positive!

  96. I just had a baby girl December 17 and I am so happy to read this post of yours … I feel exactly the same …. you really nailed this!!!

  97. This almost made me cry. I can’t express to you how comforting this was to read, as someone who is kinda terrified of having children. I’m very much a “mother” in nature towards friends and youth/children around me, but the process of becoming a mother and then actually BEING a mother completely freaks me out and I feel like I would have no idea what to do.
    My husband so desires to have children and is patiently waiting for the day that I am too ready. Mu prayer now is that in this season, God would prepare my heart and place that desire within me. But reading this, and your journey, it gave me hope, and a much brighter perspective. Thank you for sharing.

  98. Beautifully written! I cried reading this! You go, mama! I can’t wait to experience these moments. Thanks for the great blog.

  99. Very nice Danielle. I think now that you know about motherhood you will forget all those fears. It a lot of fun watching your child grow. You will become part of each other. They are very intelligent little behind that you get to see them grow. They can never take that away from you. Good luck.

  100. Ruth Staton, Jan. 14,2015
    What beautiful writing, you are a special person and your baby is spwcial, too. I would love to know you and hope someday that I will.

  101. This was beautiful and so very true but it is only the beginning. It goes on and on………from the first smile, to the first step, to the first day of school, to the first date, and graduation from high school and then college. There can be no greater joy than to watch and be a part of this amazing little baby become a man (or a woman). Is there pain along the way? Absolutely, but just as the pain of child birth is a distant memory and so worth it, so are the growing pains through childhood, adolescents and adulthood. The hugs and kisses from your 6 year old are sweet. The shy “i love you mom” of your 15 your son melts your heart and will be cherished forever. The cards and pictures that are still on the refrigerator 24 years later will bring a tear no matter what age you are or your child. One day you will say my son served in Kuwait and I am so proud of him. My other son supervises 25 workers in erecting cement forms for high rises in Denver and i am so proud of him. My son is a plumber and I am so proud of him. Why? Because they are all good men and it is the best gift ever! I am thankful for the gift of my children. They have changed me, my life and my world. It is exponentially better because I had them. I hope that I have given them half as much joy as they have given me.

    1. Janell-my own thoughts on your last sentence – ( I hope that I have given them half as much joy as they had given me) would be, “Ha! That’s not possible !”

  102. This is how I felt too at first and I love my baby more than life itself… but after five months of interval sleeping of less than an hour at a time and a baby who at five months still wakes up almost every two hours at night, I’m not filled with joy anymore. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and is slowly killing me and the person I used to be. I’m too tired to care about anything or anyone and I absolutely hate my husband for not helping out with the nighttime feedings and the putting back to sleep at 2am, 4am, 5am, 6am, etc. . I’m glad motherhood is so perfect for you but you must be getting sleep or have a partner that helps at night.

  103. I’ve had 4 kids and have had the emotional roller coaster ride of both the good like this article and the bad where it takes weeks for bonding and figuring out I can actually do this and some of both depending on the day! Totally recommend having an extremely long list of people you are close with in case you need help! I just had my 4th son and this was the best emotionally that I had and I actually had the biggest support system this time. Don’t be afraid to ask for help because most new parents do need help but not always the way people think. Just knowing there is someone there to help if needed helps! Your family doctor is a great confidence and is there not only for your new child but for you! Best advice I was ever given was by my family doctor. You need to take care of yourself so you can take care of your kids!

  104. Thank you so much for this article!! It is absolutely beautiful!!! I could not stop crying while reading it because it is everything I imagine motherhood will be!! I am due in 10 days and have heard my fair share of the “warning” stories! It was so refreshing to see someone finally express such a positive outlook on motherhood!! Thank you again!

  105. The saddest thing is when your only child has had his first and because of his relationship with the baby’s mom,has cut you out of their life..for no reason, all you ever did was love him,this is heart-breaking

  106. I wouldn’t change it for the world I have four kids two boys two girls ages 25,21,16,13 I would have more if I could and now I’m a grandmom and I take him every chance I get. Enjoy it love it some it up…

  107. This mirrors my experience almost exactly (well, minus the breastfeeding and jeans part), but it was close! I was terrified to have my son b/c of all the well intended warnings, but fortunately it was instant love like I’d never felt before and it only grows with each passing day and he is now 3!

  108. And as a great-grandma who just visited her first born, her son in the hospital with a serious illness, this love never goes away!

  109. This really resonated with me. I had those same warnings when I was pregnant with my son, and to be honest I was expecting a year of hell mixed with a few moments of blissful baby happiness. I had myself psyched up for the worst.

    And then my experience (extremely difficult delivery which resulted in a C-section notwithstanding) was like a dream. I have never known a greater joy than the love of that child. I was able to bond with him right away, and he was so big and so strong and just such a source of life. Every day with him has been such a gift, I can’t believe how different the experience has been from what I expected.

    I know this isn’t everybody’s experience. But I applaud this woman for recognizing her joy and sharing it. It’s easy to get bogged down in the difficulties. I love that she is ENJOYING being a mother so much. I’ve never been so happy in my life, and I am so happy to hear that others have had experiences like mine.

  110. Even when they are grown and have their own and are amazed. You look at them as grownups and parents and remember and then look at their children and your heart is full of love.

  111. Beautifully written but I shouldn’t have read this… makes the recent loss of my newborn daughter that much harder. I think of what I missed out on and the hole inside me feels that little bit deeper. I should avoid reading anything related to babies at the moment, but like your tongue keeps probes a broken tooth, the masochistic part of me just keeps prodding at my gaping wound. :-(

  112. In reply to Nicole’s comment about it being ok if a woman’s experience is different from the bliss described in the article:

    I agree, of course it’s ok ! However, i dont agree with the unsolicited warnings! I got sooo sick and tired of strangers, friends AND family telling me i’d never sleep again, i’d remain “chubby”, i wouldnt have time to read anymore or watch movies … These are MEAN things to say to a pregnant woman!! EVEN IF IT IS TRUE – why rub it in?! I mean , if a lady is already pregnant it’s kind of too late to reconsider, so why bother scaring her with things she won’t be able to change?! Let her discover the lack of sleep by herself, let her have her own missed nail appointments and unfinished movies (or not!) – how is warning her in advance going to help?!? People who “warn” you about things you can’t change during pregnancy are the worst kind of people who thrive on making others miserable…
    How did the million “warnings” that “i will never sleep a full night again” help me?!? It just scared me in advance !! I could do absolutely nothing to change the outcome, the constant warnings only made me stress needlessly before the sleeplessness even started!

  113. Sweet post, but the first paragraph threw me off. Pregnancy is 9 months. 40 weeks=9 months. If every month was exactly 4 weeks, then sure, but the only month that is 4 weeks is February.

  114. Very sweet blog post. I totally agree about nothing being nearly as wonderful as the first time I met my baby. It was so much more special than I’d ever dreamed.

    But I feel compelled to say (because it’s a pet peeve of mine)…

    Pregnancy is not 10 months long for anybody. For most of us, it lasts less than 9 months. Around the day you conceive, you’re already “2 weeks pregnant” because doctors start the clock at the date of your last period. (You weren’t really pregnant those two weeks. You hadn’t even had sex yet.) “40 weeks pregnant” is 38 weeks after you had the sex that led to conception. And there are 4.33 weeks in a month. Say you got pregnant the instant you had sex (which you didn’t–it takes a few days for sperm to fertilize egg). A full term pregnancy = 38/4.33 = 8.8 months long.

  115. Thanks for the encouragement! I get disheartened when people try to “warn” me about how difficult parenthood is going to be, as if I went into it thinking it’ll be a walk in the park! I don’t need warnings, I need encouragement that I will make it through the tough times and that the wonderful parts of parenthood make up for it and more.

  116. I am 58, a mother of two daughters, and now a first- time grandmother of Benjamin, 2 months old. Raising both of my daughters was exactly as the author wrote. Now my daughter is also having that experience raising her son. How blessed we have been.

  117. Love this, brought me to tears. My little boy just turned 7 months, and I am relishing every single second, as time seems to be passing too quickly and although he is growing into the most wonderful little boy, I miss the early days with him. I think the days of him napping on me, and needing mummy milk cuddles, will soon be gone. It is a truly amazing time and I am glad others feel it too, so many people seem to get caught up in complaining or seem to be ‘inconvenienced’ by their new arrivals. Check out my adventures with a newborn in Dubai at x

  118. Beautifully written. I really needed to read something like this to remind me to savour every moment. Thank you.

  119. My husband and I have been talking about having kids recently and all the stories I’ve heard about it have been really discouraging and have left me feeling very pressured, unprepared and ultimately not really wanting to get pregnant at all. Girl, I appreciate this so much. I really needed it.

    1. Does it really matter whether its 9 or 10 months? A lot of people and places, of varing reputation will say 9 or 10 months but in the end does it matter?People are getting so wrapped up in that, that they’re neglecting the true reason for this article. Being pregnant with my first child this is a really great read and I feel fortunate to have many people in my life who make sure that I hear this multiple times a day, life will be different but Ill never want to go back.

  120. My best friend just had a baby. She is a single mother. I have seen her change in so many great ways, but I also see her miserable, struggling to maintain the job of two on her own. Personally, I struggle with wanting kids. It never seemed like I could deal with it due it due to my anxiety and depression. After reading this article, I feel so much better about having my own children. I have a loving, supporting husband to help me through. Now, I have the hope that things will be so much more beautiful than dark as I expected. Thank you.

    1. Lynnie, I had horrible postpartum depression and anxiety after my daughter was born, i called my O.B. and she immedietly put me on antidepressents and they started working within 2 days, and my husband took care of the kids in the meantime, so if you do deside to have kids tell your O.B. about your depression and she will put you on something right away and then you don’t need to worry about it, just of thought :)

  121. so well written..the complete utter joy of motherhood…mom for 30 years…and it is never too much. such a privilege!!! Thank you for posting

    1. Pregnancy had always been 10 months, though most women find out when there is 9 moths left. Home pregnancy test can start detecting at around 4 weeks of gestation now, so you end up getting your OB care for 9 months but you’ve already been pregnant for one. A full term pregnancy will go to 40 weeks, which is is part of why doctors will keep track by weeks not not months.

      1. 40 weeks is 9 months. Each month (except Feb) is a little more than 4 weeks, so it ends up being 9 months at the end of 40 weeks.

    2. Well it is 40, sometimes 42 weeks. You do the math. Women cant find out their pregnant until they are somewhere between 3-7 weeks pregnant, so that itself takes up 1-2months. Pregnancy has always been 10 months, not 9.

      1. 28 day months, exactly 4 weeks means there are 48 weeks in the 12 month year, not 52. 40 weeks indeed is sometimes 42 or 41 or 43, but it is sometimes 38 or 39 or fewer weeks too. It is still fairly popular to think of the year as 52 weeks, the average pregnancy as 9 months or 40 weeks. 52 divided by 12 gives 4.33 or 4 1/3 weeks is the average weeks per month. Multiply 4.333 by 9 and you get 36 + 4 = 40 weeks! :-) In any case, beautifully written piece about pregnancy and motherhood.

        P.S. When you define a month as 4 weeks, February feels so honored excepts during leap years, because its the only true month and the other 11 months are faulty. :-)

    3. Pregnancy is just nine months. Nine full months – which means that if you deliver 1 day after the 40 weeks, some people think that means that you’ve now gone ten months. No, you’ve gone nine months and one day. If a pregnancy goes 42 weeks, it means it’s about 9.5 months.

      Also, some of the confusion comes when people see 40 weeks and think that a month has 4 weeks in it, when it doesn’t. Only February has exactly 4 weeks in it because it has 28 days. The other months all have an average of ~4.36 weeks in them.

      If you still disagree with me, open a calendar and count 40 weeks from January 1st. This year it puts you at October 1st. You’ve gone a total of nine full months: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September and that one day in October. To say that 40 weeks is ten months is wrong – you’d have to get to the end of October to do a full ten months.

      That said, yes – those last few weeks will seem like a full month.

      1. You are wrong about that sir. A full term pregnancy is actually a 10 month process. Get your facts right before you post your comments!

      2. It is 40 weeks from the first missed period, but actual conception can happen any day between that and the last period.. Hence the confusion of nine or ten months.

      3. I counted 40 weeks from jan 1st on a calendar, the end of the 40th week puts you to October 15th-ie 9.5 months so if you are a couple of weeks over it it 10 months exactly!I think you need to learn to count in full weeks since you seem to cut off the first and last full week!

      1. Wrong, 37 weeks is considered full term but things are changing and they are now considering even 39 weeks to be premature.

  122. Thank you for writing this!!! I’m pregnant now and someone put a link to this article on a message board – so glad they did.
    I am going to print it and put a copy in my purse and another one on my night stand.
    Thank you, thank you for giving me a glimpse of the joy and miraculous moments to come.
    Like you said, most comments I get are on how things are going to be so hard, and what my body looks like….. There has been very little outside encouragement to looking forward, in a positive way.
    Thank you for inspiring me and for tears of joy I shed while reading this.
    You are a gift! Thank you for spreading that!!!

    1. 4 weeks DOES NOT equal 1 month. Seriously, people. 40 weeks DOES NOT equal 10 months. I knew exactly what day I conceived on and my baby was due 40 weeks exactly later (on his due date). It was a 9 month pregnancy. End of December – end of September.

      Only February was 28 days which is 4 weeks. Every other month has 30 or 31 days. That is not four week.s That is four weeks and a few days. It equals out so that 40 week is 9 months.

  123. Steve I’m pregnant now doctor says yes ur pregnant for 10 months the first month is undetectable and some times u carry for 42 weeks not 40.

    1. Yes, Alyson. You will be pregnant for 40 weeks. If yor Dr. thinks that 40 weeks comes to 10 months and not 9, you should get a new Dr. Because he is bad at math. 40 weeks is 9 months. Not 10.

  124. I am a new mom to a 5 week old baby girl who was born at almost 42 weeks. I wanted those 42 weeks to be over so badly because I was uncomfortable, nauseous, achy etc. I too heard all the warnings and they made me so fearful of my upcoming induction that I felt like I was going in for some life threatening procedure. I didn’t believe that I would miss being pregnant or that I would somehow forget the pain of labor and look back on it with joy. I am sitting here sleep deprived and after having a terrible day yesterday that included an overheated car stalled on the way to her doctor appointment requiring a tow and finding out that our now jealous dog had decided to spite us by peeing in the center of our bed, in tears at this beautiful post. I am in tears because I too cried as she outgrew her newborn clothes, I cried when she got her first shots, I stared at her all night every night for two weeks to make sure she was still breathing and I too found a love that I did not know existed. This post reminded me that seeing her face makes days like yesterday not important. Thank you!

  125. Thank you! I am not yet a mom, but of the age where all of my friends are becoming mothers. I see blog posts pop up in my newsfeed every day about the “HORRORS” and “WARNINGS” you described and feel like we live in an age where raising children is mostly mandatory or accidental, and everyone is resentful about it. You have described motherhood beautifully and my, is it refreshing to read the good and how it relates to the bad, instead of just the bad! You acknowledge the imperfect, and yet remain a beautiful person with a beautiful family. I’ve never seen any modern child-reated post that accomplishes that.

  126. Hopefully, her daughter will get to read this post and realize what a miracle she was to her mother and how much she truly loves her and her daddy! I wish every mother would feel this way about their child. We hear of too much violence in a childs’ life these days. Precious are the few that view God’s gift as a true miracle and blessing!

  127. For those of us just contemplating motherhood and making that decision to “start trying”, this was a very reassuring and beautiful piece. Just what I needed to read.

  128. The only warning I would give you is – that it goes by way to fast!! Enjoy every minute of it. They grow up to quickly. Mine are all grown and I’d go back again and again if I could!! So glad to hear the positive points for someone, being a mom is wonderful!!!

  129. I absolutely love this! We are expecting our baby girl in about two months and this is some of the best advice about what is to come. Everyone says it’s one of the most challenging things you’ll ever do but the most rewarding when you become a parent. I’m looking forward to all of the moments we are going to cherish with our little one! Congrats on your precious little baby.

  130. First, great article. Brought tears to my eyes.

    While the first two years of parenthood for me were challenging in many ways, my sons’ infancy was a thing of beauty to behold. And it’s true that I became a much more complete person when I became a father.

    I am, however, concerned about all the folks investing energy and space arguing over the 9/10 months of pregnancy in this context. To quote Robert Pirsig:

    “I’ve wondered why it took us so long to catch on. We saw it and yet we didn’t see it. Or rather we were trained not to see it. […] The truth knocks on the door and you say, “Go away, I’m looking for the truth,” and so it goes away. Puzzling.”

    Regardless of the “truth” regarding the term of a pregnancy, the whole point is that this article is about the beauty of creating life, not dissecting every tidbit and subjecting it to an unemotional technical analysis. There is real beauty expressed here, and to obsess over a numerical digit seems odd, to say the least. And that may be a more important truth.

    I think I may, in fact, start encouraging folks to echo 10 months to term, even if the last month is a ceremonial add-on, a tip or bonus in recognition of the miracle of birth which women are privileged to perform, and the very human endurance and patience they are called upon in order to fulfill that privilege. Thanks Moms everywhere for those 10 months. ;)

  131. My conception date was mid January, my due date was beginning November, that’s 10 months. Even for those of you who say there are 4 weeks in a month, do the math, 40 weeks is 10 months. Most doctors will tell you it is 10 months, that’s why they measure you in weeks. Back in the day, no one knew they were pregnant until they missed a period, do they figured 9 months. Women usually ovulate around 10 days after their period, so conception occurs at this time, meaning you will be pregnant 3-4 weeks before knowing by a missed period. Baby will come full term 40 weeks, or 10 months after the conception date.

    1. I know many people who conceived in late January who were due in October. I don’t understand how your situation happened, but that makes no sense. I conceived in late July, was due in early April. It was actually a little less than 9 months since that wasn’t counting my last period. If you count those extra two weeks before you conceive, it comes to pretty much 9 months exactly. 40 weeks is 9 months. Easy as that.

  132. This is such a beautiful piece! My husband and I are in the process of embryo adoption and it seems like anytime I talk about what it’s going to be like having kids, there are women who laugh at me and say “Oh just you wait!” basically implying that motherhood sucks. As someone who has dealt with infertility for years – I sometimes want to scream at them that I would love to have a child “ruin” my life. Thank you so much for sharing! It makes me so excited for when that day comes!

  133. Really great you enjoyed new motherhood. Not everyone does and is left feeling horrible for not feeling these things.

    1. Brittany – true, not everyone does enjoy it but they still shouldnt give unsolicited warnings to those who still didnt get a chance to experience things themselves!

  134. There is nothing like the wonderful feeling of holding your baby and nursing him/her. Don’t miss out on breast feeding; it is a wonderfully close, bonding experience, besides being so healthy for the baby, especially passing on your immunities to your baby in your early milk. I breasted both of my children til they were exactly 2 and a half years old despite having to go back to work full time when they were only 8 weeks old. I’m glad I did breast feed. Great experience!

  135. OK simple math. 12 months in a year. Yes. 52 weeks in a year. Yes. 52/12 is 4.3333. 4.3333 weeks per month. Pregnancy last average 40 weeks. 40/4.3333 equals 9 months. Bingo. Debate solved. Might feel like 10 but ladies its only 9 precious months.

  136. This is the most refreshing and real advice I’ve read recently. I am due in April and so excited for my daughter. It’s sad to me that almost all the parenting advice out there for us these days is “10 things you didn’t want to know about childbirth” or something along those lines. It’s not helpful and just focuses on the negative. This is so much better!

  137. Who cares what the number is your baby will come when it is ready when it is in position and not a moment sooner just because “your” doctor said so because it’s conflicting with HIS vacation plans doesn’t make it so! After three babies my fourth was late…but everything about my pregnancy was different I was so gassey and my hubby could attest to me being so cranky and hormonal!! The night my baby finally came (nearly four weeks late) I had made a huge ham and scalloped potatoe and baked bean supper and two different pies cause I could not decide to either apple or pumpkin called everyone to the table looked at the table and said wouldn’t it be a rotter if I went into labor right now!!? Left the table went to the bathroom came back out with my suitcase and said OK Letts go have this baby!! He was born five hours later 10pounds 14 ounces with a full head of hair after three girls we had a beautiful healthy baby boy!!

  138. Honestly, while a lovely piece of writing, I think a little too much through the rose-colored glasses. Every relationship in life, even the one with your child, comes with its share of ups and downs. The warnings are so important because they remind you that things like this– this new love, etc– are fleeting. So it’s vital that when you’re sleep deprived, you look on those naps the two of you shared as gifts. That when she refuses to nurse, or has flung her peas against the wall, that you realize this too shall pass, or that things are just things. Anything can be replaced except for the love of your daughter. That love is immeasurable.

    It also leaves out those parents who don’t always feel as sunny about parenthood (because there’s just no way you’ll _always_ love every stage your child is in… these stigmas about childhood wouldn’t exist if everyone, or most, didn’t go through them). I think your premise might be a little flawed– that by suggesting the warnings weren’t the most important things to be concerned about, I’d say you missed the point of them. They were there to give you the preparation you needed to get your baby home without incident. To learn how to breast feed, care for, change her. And when you listened, and stocked up on sleep for example, fear or not, it gave your body that extra strength you got during the birth. Every warning you got made something a little better, more tolerable, easier to handle, which is why people go around giving them.

    1. I totally agree…I don’t know very many women at all that didn’t go through some sort of depression, stress, weight issues, partner issues after their baby was born. When my second one was born, MY marriage was under a LOT of strain so if anything this article can make one feel
      Like a failure if things weren’t wonderful
      24-7…I believe this situation as wonderful
      As it is, is very much “rose coloured” from many mothers viewpoints. I’m glad her experience was wonderful, but that isn’t always the way it goes down…sorry

      1. Yes this may be a ‘rose-colored’ essay, but it’s needed to balance out all the negative things you hear during a first time pregnancy.

  139. It amazes me that people are arguing over how long a pregnancy is. Who cares? Why does one person always have to be right. Everyone is different and the fact of the matter is, it such a tiny aspect of what’s to come. Instead of focusing on being right about how long a pregnancy lasts, why not focus on what the author is telling you and about how miraculous the aftermath is. Once it’s all said and done, pregnancy will be in the past and you’re not going to argue with someone about how long you were pregnant for, cause guess what? Everyone’s different.

  140. The reason why everyone is having such a difficult time with the 9mo. vs. 10mo. debate is because neither answer is fully correct. A typical pregnancy is 40 weeks, that is nine months plus a week or two depending on the months in which you are pregnant. Some pregnancies run longer, some shorter. So quit debating it. Nine vs. Ten is a non-issue.

  141. I feel horrible for this girl. Worried about “staying sexy for my husband?” Enough so to express concern to her physician? Omg. What married woman in the world gives a hoot what her husband thinks?!

    1. Wow…. seems to me that someone is a little resentful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to look and stay sexy for your husband… That’s part of a healthy relationship and marriage… Grow up and leave this young girl alone.

    2. The sane woman that respects her husband and realises she’s NOT only mother but also a wife and lover.

  142. The first sight of that tiny body and the sound of that first squeaky cry remains the most wondrous experience of my life. NOTHING has ever surpassed that moment. My children are now 47 and 44 and the moments of their birth are still the ultimate moments of my life.

  143. I read this article today and I think it was placed in front of me for a reason. I am just over 4 months along in my very first pregnancy and I have never heard soooo much negativity in my life. “You’ll never sleep again, you’ll never get a shower, you’ll never be skinny again, just wait until childbirth, etc.” I have been absolutely terrified of having this baby although my husband and I chose this path. This article made me realize that my feeling of doom and gloom comes at me in all directions and I constantly forget of the miracle growing inside me. THANK YOU! I wish you all the best in your new experience as a Momma to that precious baby girl.

  144. You are pregnant for 280 days, which is exactly 40 weeks, so if you got preggers on January first, your due date is October 7, doctors go from the first day of your last period and go back two weeks to when they think you ovulated, which is not very accurate if you are concerned about days. You could have gotten pregnant any day of that cycle, most people are not that regular. My experience is that they won’t believe you if you tell them you know when you got pregnant, unless it is the only time you had sex all year!! The other thing that no one can tell you is how much you will love them, it isn’t possible to express and it isn’t possible to feel it until the baby is born. You may think you love your husband or niece or nephew, but it is a completely different kind of love that you have to experience to understand. Congrats on your little one and much joy and happiness in your new life together!

  145. Ashlee, This is the sweetest thing I have ever read. And so true. The only sad thing about it is that it only happens once in your life. Each successive one will be just as sweet, but different. Savor this for all its worth. Love you, Gramma Shirley

  146. Wonderful article! As a father of a 3 week old I am a little embarrassed so many men on here get caught up in the 9-10 month thing. Bottom line is that I saw my wife sacrifice so much over the 40 weeks that it not only made me look at her completely different, but it made me a better person. Believe me that when I saw my son for the first time and saw my wife hold him…life changed in the most amazing way. I thought it was a cliche before but you truly do not get it until those first few moments with your baby.

  147. WOW the ridiculous number of comments about the 9-10 month thing is so detracting. This is wonderful and really helped me today when I was feeling really crappy at 23 weeks. Thank you.

  148. Thank you for your beautiful words.. Every thing I have felt since becoming a mama six months ago! The “warnings” and “helpful hints” tortured me for the whole TEN months, but the reality of my perfect little bundle has been incredible and I genuinely look back on all the “fun” I’ve had and wish I’d met my little prince earlier! Thanks again for the perfect description and finally THE TRUTH on being a mama!! xx

  149. Ahhhh!!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I am 32 weeks pregnant and this is the very first positive essay I have read. I understand that everything won’t be roses, 24/7, but geeeeez… everything else I’ve read has scared the shit out of me, lol. This was SO REFRESHING. I’m saving a copy in my phone to re-read when I feel the anxiety creeping in. ❤️❤️❤️

  150. My friends and coworkers are having children now. I would be too, but there are medical concerns and the stress of a new job. I cried so hard when the article talked about outgrowing baby clothes wondering if I will ever be able to experience this. We were trying before I got my dream job, and I had hoped I was pregnant over the winter break, but I got my period 3 months late and will be dealing with more doctor visits next week. I am jealous, angry, and ashamed that my body doesn’t seem to want to work right. This is a beautiful article and I hope I can share in the same joys soon.

    1. I know it’s impossible for you to really understand, but honestly it will happen for you. I was told at the start of 2014 that i probably couldn’t fall pregnant. Then told I needed to take lots of hormone drugs. I fell pregnant in the first month of trying. the doctors don’t have all the answers, but more than 90% of couples fall pregantn within a year. Try to keep that in mind <3

  151. To Kalie: you said “the warnings are so important because they remind you that things like this– this new love, etc– are fleeting.”

    I dont understand! Why would a warning “just you wait until you become so sleep deprived that you cant even think straight” be of any use to me as a pregnant woman! This is a threat – no use in it whatsoever… How does this threat (masked as a warning) remind me that “things like new love are fleeting”?? That makes no sense!
    To remind someone that these moments are precious and fleeting even if difficult, one could say “when you get sleep deprived, dont despair, having a baby will be worth it” – thats a positive thing to say!! But i wonder why even mention all tese negative things to a pregnant lady who didnt aak you for advice or a warning to begin with?!?

    1. Oh, some of these comments make me laugh and some just hurt my heart. This was SUCH a beautiful article, period. Everyone’s term length is different. 4/5 of mine were born at 36 weeks, 1 at 38, all healthy… regardless of how many months it was, for MY body, it seemed like it lasted forever! Babies, whether they are newborn or teenagers, 1st baby or 5th, they all come with their own complicated personalities, and bring on our own complicated mommy issues. I am so in awe and in love with each of my very, very different children, in their own special way. As they grow, there is always a new milestone, a new struggle or frustration, but also a new excitement and growth that makes being a parent SO wonderful. Everyone has an opinion, everyone THINKS their “warnings” are wanted or worth your time, but you, yourself have to toughen up, brush it off, or take note and make a choice to make it better (than those warnings) for yourself and your own experience. I just would like everyone to take a beat and focus on the words of this author… it’s lovely, and reminded me, just at the perfect time, that I DO have that feeling still, and more and more, of my heart exploding, and crying tears of JOY, just LOOKING and my babies (now, 3 years old through 16!!!). P.S. some moms MAY have the gift of sleep, but even as my own kiddos grow up and sleep through the night, I can barely get a couple hours in, who knows why. Grateful or not for that warning, I was prepared, and as much as sleepless nights suck, having those babes make it COMPLETELY worth it! Let it go….

  152. I read this at 2 am this morning while breastfeeding my almost 6 month old little guy. I was in tears (happy tears), because you so beautifully put into words exactly how I’ve felt since having my son. I can’t imagine anything better than being a mommy, and sharing the love for our son with my husband. Thank you for writing this, for giving soon-to-mom’s hope that it’s not as tough as people say, and for summing up how truly incredible it is having a child.

  153. Find it so daft to see some people obsessing so hard about the 9/10 month thing in light of all else in the article! The best advice I am told is that its not really 9 or 10 exactly, it’s when baby is ready! As a first time mother to be I found this article beautiful and reassuring and a great reminder of all there is to enjoy as well as things that may change. It’s a really clever change of focus to all there is to be gained rather than lost. Thank you for writing.

  154. Thanks so much for posting this! My husband and I are ready to start having kids and the main thing that has been holding me back is all of the negativity surrounding the topic. But you did a beautiful job highlighting the wonderful parts about being a mommy ❤️

  155. I don’t think the blogger meant that 40 weeks = 10 months…she meant most first time pregnancies go over, and that extra week or two can feel like another month in itself! I think records show that the average pregnancy is 41 weeks now anyway. Term is classed as 37-42 weeks so you’re not technically overdue until around 9 1/2 months.

  156. Reblogged this on Creo Somnium and commented:
    I think I’ve talked before about the horrible Doom’s Day advice I’ve gotten since I learned about the Wee One coming, advice that fit comfortably into my jacked ideas of motherhood. Then there’s this. After I started feeling her and I began to get excited about her, I started hoping that maybe it would be more like this.

  157. actually a physical month is 28 days. that’s why most women have periods every 28 days. a 28 day month is four weeks. So if you take the 40 weeks and use the 28-day method it ends up being 10 months that’s why people say that. & I agree

  158. What a beautiful article (I can’t actually believe that most of the comments are debating the technicalities of how long a pregnancy lasts for!)
    When I was pregnant, nobody warned me what mommyhood could be like. When I was pregnant, I dreamed of having an experience just like the one you describe here! I imagined what it would be like. Beautiful. Warm. Loving. Angelic. I was expecting sunshine and roses, and choirs of angels singing from the heavens! Because that’s what everyone said it would be like: that it would be the most magical and beautiful experience I’d ever had.
    Then I had my beautiful son.
    But the first year of his life was the lowest I had ever been. Postpartum Depression is no joke.
    It started when breastfeeding. Instead of the beautiful bonding experience I was assured I’d have, it was the worst 7 weeks of my life. I felt like a failure because I had to stop. Half my nipples were gone due to latching difficulties, and the pain was so excruciating that I cried every single time he had to feed.
    He never gazed lovingly into my eyes, to the point where I thought he might be visually impaired.
    He didn’t want to hug or cuddle, or sleep on my chest, or be rocked to sleep.
    That first year was dark and ugly, and by the time he was 1, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Luckily, I sought professional help.
    Unfortunately, as amazing as I find my life now, being a mother, and I could never imagine life without him, I WISH someone had warned me of how awful that first year could be!
    We put so much pressure on ourselves to enjoy every moment of big a mother that we end up feeling so guilty when it doesn’t work out that way for us. I thought something was wrong with me, and that I must be the worst mother in the world for not adoring every single second!
    It is so beautiful to see that there are mothers who experience the beauty in all of it, and I can only hope that with my next child, I too will get to write of my experience as you have.
    Thank you for restoring hope in me…

    1. Panethea, I had the same experience with my first child. He was inconsolable, latch was terrible, I kept nursing and finally figured it out but holy cow it was horrible at first (like months)! I also had post-partum depression and it ruined me. I couldn’t calm my child, he would not sleep, he only screamed what seemed like day and night. I was jogging him all the time, lost a ton of weight and couldn’t keep it on. I looked like a skeleton with double d boobs! It was gross!!! I hated myself for not being able to help him. I hated the labor and delivery because it was tramatic. I hated that I hated myself. I felt guilty about everything. I felt like I could do nothing right. Everything seemed horrible. It did get better around one year of age. Although I wonder if I damaged him emotionally because it was so hard on me. I want to let you know that the second baby was totally different. I had a much better labor and delivery. It was natural and not forced. It was painful, very painful, but it wasn’t tramatic. I did not have PPD. I had a better time nursing. Everything went easier and I saw what other mother’s saw. The joys the feelings of bliss even at night when she would wake to be fed or changed. It helped me see my son differently. We have a tighter bond now. Both of my children are amazing. Keep your chin up. The positive is still possible. And do not be afraid to try again. Every pregnancy, labor, delivery, and child is different. I wish I could give you a hug and say everything will turn out fine. Just imagine me doing that. Kelly

    2. I am so glad you have written this – your true experience of the first year. I too felt like a failure for not enjoying every second of the first 9 months of my son’s life. I adore him, and have done since the second he was born, but the dark cloud that hung over me from that moment made me feel like a terrible mother, as though there were something wrong with me. I didn’t seem to bond with him like I was “supposed” to – the breastfeeding, which I desperately wanted to do for at least 6 months, was just a nightmare and certainly didn’t help – I persevered for 3 months and cried more in that time than I had cried before in my life. I found the early (and the more recent) days a constant round of relentless monotony and stressed myself out rather than enjoy the time with my precious bundle. It took me a while to realise this wasn’t just how it was supposed to be, and thankfully now, I am starting to enjoy my beautiful son – there are still dark days, but fewer of them, and there is still an overbearing sense of guilt some days that I missed the enjoyment of so many early precious moments because of how I was feeling. There are many mothers out there like us and I can only hope sharing experiences will help.

  159. A term pregnancy is 275 days. That is nine months. Since a pregnancy is 40 weeks, many people assume 4 weeks is a month. Only February is four weeks. All of the rest of the months are approaching four and a half weeks. Let’s face it. A pregnancy is nine months. It always will be…..

  160. Spoken like a true rookie hipster mom of a new born(1st child)… The first year was great. What most women don’t emotionally realize is that babies grow up and get more difficult to raise. Wait until that baby gets a mouth and mind of its’ own. Then she will get mad at the father for not being there for the kids. Yes newborns are great! Here is the break down; Newborn 90% awesome 10% frustration, 2 year olds 75% awesome 25% frustration, toddlers 50/50, Teenagers 10% awesome 90% frustration. I still wouldn’t change that fact that I couldn’t imagine not having my 3 amazing kids.

    1. Richard : “wait until that baby gets a mouth..”

      See?!? Those are the kinds pf useless threatsand warnings!!! How is that helping her?? All kids will eventually “get a mouth and a mind of their own” – how does your “warning” change anything? What is the point of you saying that ?

      1. Actually, it gets EASIER as they get older. Also, people who say: “….you’re going to miss them at the young age…”, don’t know what they’re talking about. The older they get, the easier it is to communicate with them. Why would you miss diapers and feeding them all the time? Total strangers would come up to us in the mall and say: “…enjoy them while they’re young…”. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I enjoy my kids now,,,they’re in their mid to late 20’s, and it’s a blessing!

        It all depends on how you bring them up to begin with.

  161. Beautiful article! I am happy to say I have had the same experience – nothing better than being your child’s everything :) 18mos in & it just evolves into new joys everyday. It truly goes by way too quickly!

    I would like to apologize on behalf of all the enlightened people and all their ridiculously petty comments on how long a pregnancy truly lasts…funny how many have come from men? No uterus = no opinion…whether it is 9 or 10 months technically, when you’re in the last month and a week overdue, it can FEEL like you’ve been pregnant forever! Move on people…life’s too short

  162. A beautiful story. Don’t let the naysayers take your wonder away or make you focus on the challenges, which will always be there. I have 7 children, ages 1-15, & I’m even so crazy as to homeschool them so they’re with me most of the time. There is beauty & challenge in every stage, & some stages will be more challenging for you personally, but it isn’t true that it’s all downhill from here, as some would seem to suggest. I find the preschool age years to be most challenging for me, but boy are they funny at that age! So far I have two teens & I enjoy them immensely; they are smart, funny, helpful, & thoughtful most of the time. Just keep focusing on enjoying the good & working through the challenges…you’ll do great!

  163. I believe it helps to have a well cultivated relationship with the father and being healthy in body and mind as the author is. I believe her perspective is ideal and wish more people could think and do as she does. I had beauty and sorrow in every pregnancy and a true lack of support. I had depression but the mere sight of my angels kept me going. No matter how isolated or unloved I felt, I felt so much love for my children, and now they are all in their 20s and such amazing human beings. I grew up with them.
    Kudos to those who get the experience of this writer. It brought forth lots of memories and I was moved to tears.

  164. As far as children “getting a mouth” , l loved that my kids felt strong enough in their beliefs to challenge mine.I felt proud that I raised them to have “critical thinking” and not become little stepford people.they are now adults and wonderful ones at that..

  165. I’m 23 weeks pregnant with our first and just last night when I came home from an event with my husband I said to him, “I’m going to make a list of things I never want to say to first time moms.” Almost every single thing was one of your “warnings” haha. I was very blessed by this post. It’s so much easier to imagine all the hard things than it is to imagine all the wonderful things. Thank you so much for sharing!

  166. This comment is horrible! I mean seriously she writes this beautiful passage, and your going to reply as this. Wow. What’s it matter anyway any women who carries a baby in her for that period of time should be respected. Dick. Oh and there are people who go over nine months.

  167. 280 days is full term.
    On average people go longer than their expected due date for the first one, anywhere up to 14 days longer is considered normal. ( If you live in the states I believe they induce you prior to that for convince, but that goes hand in had with the medical system and deadlines they have)

    If you go over, even a week and half, your now at 291 days, PRETTY close to 9 FULL months.

    Also, this mom nailed it. Beautifully written and I like that she takes time to focus on the positives, cares about her body and that most likely transfers into the type of mom she is. Well prepared and positive. Children pick up on all of this from a very early age there is just so many negative people out there.

    1. Brilliant idea about making the list! The amount of people in my life who actually say these things started to make me wonder…oh my God…am I going to say these things to pregnant women when I am older? I am going to try my hardest not to!


  168. No kidding! My son was 3 weeks late. So, for that matter, were my brother and I. And I wasn’t wrong about the date of conception. So nine months and then some is not all that uncommon.

  169. Beautiful article! Thank you so much! My daughter is almost 6 weeks old, and this is an amazing articulation of all of the things I’ve been feeling since the moment she was born! I’ve been sharing it with everyone I know! Congratulations on your BEAUTIFUL little girl! She looks like you!

  170. These babies are do previous, they are sent by God. Human beings ready to be molded by the person who is raising them be very careful in what you say and do these children will be a product of what they learn from their environment. So enjoy your gift from heaven and teach your children what they need to know to be beautiful healthy mentally stable adults good luck and God bless.

  171. Beautiful post. I’m so glad you’re bonding is going so well. I know it’s not as smooth for everyone. I just want to encourage you in another way too, as a mom who started as starry eyed as you are now. It keeps getting better. Harder? Sure, at times. But as you learn to parent your child/ren you deepen the bond and relationship. Parenting a toddler is 24/7. Training them to obey, to sleep, to listen, etc requires your all. But I’m telling you it’s worth the effort. A child who has been patiently and lovingly trained is a delight to be around. I have 3 boys and #4 on the way. My oldest is 6 and he is becoming so helpful and considerate. He is my motivation to not slack off on training my unruly 2 year old. It’s worth every effort! Cuddle and nap together now. Every stage has its delights and challenges.

  172. You are so lucky. Love her and kiss her and make tons of memories….we weren’t blessed with one, but that’s what was in the plan I guess. Enjoy her, and all your guests/commenters enjoy your blessings.

  173. I am so glad you have written this – your true experience of the first year. I too felt like a failure for not enjoying every second of the first 9 months of my son’s life. I adore him, and have done since the second he was born, but the dark cloud that hung over me from that moment made me feel like a terrible mother, as though there were something wrong with me. I didn’t seem to bond with him like I was “supposed” to – the breastfeeding, which I desperately wanted to do for at least 6 months, was just a nightmare and certainly didn’t help – I persevered for 3 months and cried more in that time than I had cried before in my life. I found the early (and the more recent) days a constant round of relentless monotony and stressed myself out rather than enjoy the time with my precious bundle. It took me a while to realise this wasn’t just how it was supposed to be, and thankfully now, I am starting to enjoy my beautiful son – there are still dark days, but fewer of them, and there is still an overbearing sense of guilt some days that I missed the enjoyment of so many early precious moments because of how I was feeling. There are many mothers out there like us and I can only hope sharing experiences will help.

  174. I am sad to see that most of the comments are negative. I have had three kids. I loved them all. I felt like all of them were a miracle. I had years without sleep. But I would never change it. There were episodes of tantrums but never the terrible two’s. Toddlers are so cute and funny and they bring meaning into your previously selfish life.I wanted my babies to stay babies for twice as long and teenagers half as long. If you love and cherish your baby and your husband loves and cherished you and her. I commend you on your choice to be the best thing you will ever be. That is a MOMMY. My adult children still call me mommy or mama. They will always be my baby and I will always be there when they need a shoulder to cry on and make it all better. We need more devoted mothers in this world to raise our future leaders.

  175. “Warnings” focus on the negative or difficult aspects. Perhaps after someone offers a ‘new-parent warning’, one could graciously thank them…then ask what wonderful observations they had to share as well. I bet they would have MANY. :)

  176. Jensy, thank you so much for writing this. I am 28 weeks and I am SO SCARED. My friend posted your article on facebook and it was exactly what i needed to hear. This is a terrifying experience and it is so nice to hear that someone else felt the way I feel, and that you came out on the other side happier and lovlier than ever. I just hope I am as lucky! Thank you so much!

  177. Thank you so much for writing this! I am 22 wks pregnant with my first baby, and I just got back from a visit with family and friends. It seems like everyone I know says things like, “Your life will never be the same!” and “You won’t have time to sleep/clean/fill-in-the-blank for the next twenty years!” Etc, etc. They all say a version of the same thing. To the last person, I lost my composure and exclaimed, “People talk like you die when you give birth! Your life will never be the same!”

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. It’s hard to stay positive sometimes when you have no first-hand knowledge of what is to come, and it seems like everyone you care about is saying these types of things. Thank you!

  178. It is amazing to me that this lovely young mother writes a poignant essay about all the terrible warnings she got from OTHER WOMEN!! And the comments are full of more awful warnings from OTHER WOMEN!!! Why do women do this to each other?? It is so uncalled for. I always tell mamas how wonderful it will be and how much they will love their little ones. Even in the late stages of pregnancy, when you are uncomfortable and tired and frustrated, you should realize that this is the absolute last time that you will have your child all to yourself. Once they are born you must share them with the world, which has it’s own joys, but when they are still snuggled up under your heart, (even if they give you heartburn! :-))you belong only to each other and that is a miraculous gift worth savoring. So mothers, give your sisters a break, share the the delight and if they want to hear more about the details, let them ask you.

  179. Thank you so much for that post! I’m 30 weeks and feeling overwhelmed by all the warnings. Feeling like my body, relationship and life are going to be miserable for at least three months after my baby is born. I needed to read that so much and it lifted a huge weight off my shoulders!

  180. This article honestly infuriated me!! I have beautiful 6 month old baby boy who I love more then anything but that IS NOT how it started out! I spent the first few months of his life going “what the hell did we do”? There were days I would rack my brain & try to figure out how I could give him back…it was horrendous & exhausting but it was my truth. I read the title of this article & thought “finally an a article addressing post partum & how truly awful it could be” but again I was disappointed to see another mother telling me “how she instantly loved her baby more then life & how it was all sunshine & rainbows”. Sadly for a much larger majority then we care to admit, a LOT of women DON’T experience that overwhelming love & connection to their babies. Your article left me feeling like a defective failure.

  181. I am pregnant second time around and have gotten more negativity this time from those closest to us because of a difficult first pregnancy with Hellp syndrome. It’s not that the negativity is about the Hellp syndrome or that this might also be a difficult pregnancy, it’s that apparently that just gives them free reign to be negative “because they care about me.”

  182. That is so sweet! You are so right! On all of it. My baby is starting to want to play more than fall asleep at my breast anymore. But tonight – tonight she fell asleep at my breast again. Oh sweet love! I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  183. Motherhood is a wonderful blessing from God, but every women feels differently and every women bonds in a different way to their child. Well meaning friends will share their experience the best they know how, but just know that no two will be alike. Be the best mom you can be, if you hate night time feedings and this just isnt your time to rock blissfully contemplating the miracle of life then your normal. If you love 4 am peacefulness when it’s just you and your baby, then your normal, not a rockstar. As women we have to stop making our feelings and petsonalities the standard of every self respecting mother out there. We need to encourage and lift one another up whether we love the smell of our sweet bundle of joy breast feed breath or cringe at the thought of baby vomit on our clothes for the 5th time that day, no matter how sweet they looked while doing it. Being a mother is hard work, there are good days and bad days, anyone who tells you different is most likely be dishonest with themselves and others, but it’s rewarding and most, but yeah not all women, wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  184. Very well written, and I am so happy that you had such a wonderful experience with your newborn. So had I. This was like reading my own thoughts and reflections. Motherhood came upon me when they lay my baby in my arms, and I have been head-over-heels in love ever since (going on 17 months soon). I have enjoyed every second, even the seconds in the middle of the night when we’d nurse. He was so peaceful and small, and I’d sometimes cry when I thought about the future, and realized he would not be this tiny little creature forever. Yet, as he grows and learns new things, I am so proud and excited for him, and excited about the future, curious as to how he’ll turn out. What will he be like as a child, as a teenager, as a grown man?
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, as they spurred my memory as well and reminded me of all the precious moments of early motherhood.
    Here in Norway I don’t think people are as quick to warn about the bad things, except for the sleep part. But most mothers are sure to tell expecting and new mommys to SAVOR the newborn period, because it’s over before you know it.

  185. While this piece is a lovely encouragement to all the mummies-to-be, I just want to make a comment for the new mums reading this who may not be having such a wonderful experience. What is written here is far from my experience. Yes I am grateful for having a healthy baby but I struggled a lot that things were not as ‘wonderful’ as I had imagined. For me, my baby would cry for hours no matter how I tried to ‘calm and soothe her’, my biggest upset about sleep was that she didn’t, there were many times that I did want to go back to the ‘old me’ and my life felt far from ‘beautiful and fulfilling’. Not wanting to be negative, and I think it’s great if the article encourages others by focusing on the positives, but if I read this when my baby was a few months old it would have made me feel worse that I wasn’t having a wonderful time like it seemed like everyone else was having, it was very isolating. So if any new mummas are feeling similar, please know that it is ok how you’re feeling, you’re not alone, you’re doing a good job and I know from experience that things will get better and the wonderful moments will come xxx

    1. I couldn’t agree more. This is another type of mommy war – mommy shaming. I can fully admit to poor latching, PPD, sleep deprivation, and a rough birth being tough… and dare I say, unpleasant and yet, does not diminish my love for my son.

  186. Oh, it’s all about perspective. Some of us had the exact opposite experience. Promised sunshine and moonbeams; sheltered from the truth. When the sleepless nights and colicky and inconsolable baby arrived, the fear and frustration set in. Self-doubt, worry if my beloved baby would be okay. The nagging thought “if only SOMEONE would have warned me! Then maybe my heart wouldn’t be riddled with worry and doubt about this time that was promised to be so blissful!” Three babies later, I vowed to give both sides of the story- when asked. So, again, it’s all about perspective. To me, it sounds like the negative comments during your pregnancy that took root in your mind gave room for the beauty and peace to bloom in your heart. Don’t knock it!

  187. I may not ever be a mother, because I’m a male, but I can testify that of which you speak here is certainly true as a husband, father and grandfather, I witnessed these things happen to all my 3 wives, ( one at a time) have had the same experiences as you, and tears formed each time I saw these happenings come to fruition, now my baby daughter has had a wonderful son, having gone through these same events with love for her son, still tears form when I see them together doing whatever, and I’m proud of my children’s mums, Thank you for sharing your story, ” They should have warned me”

  188. these words don’t lie! The number of times I had random people and friends that told me so many negative things, all the snide comments, most were from the older generation aswell. No one wants to be told stories, no one wants the negative opinions. People should just focus on the miracle life growing inside her, making her uncomfortable, tired and moody. A mother does make sacrifices, but for a beautiful reason.

  189. I loved reading this….I’m glad you are a mom who feels all of the above…..I’m a 60 year old grandma and I had my babies waaaay back when. Remember as they grow, how you feel now. and when she is 2 and has meltdowns becuase she want s that “thing” whatever it is, remember she is amazingf and so wise and just be grateful she has such a wonderful handle on what she needs. And when she is 4 and she really wants you to leave her alone, and momenst later screams because you’re leaving, remember she is leaving babyhood behind and heading for childhood. And its scary and she doesn’t know how to process that. And when she is 6 and brings home some foul language or behavour, remember she is taking in every singe thnig that is out there. And she really wants to please you, so support her with kindness. And whne she is 10 and she shows some selfish streak, possibly unkindness, Remember how fresh and new she once was and connect to her., Ask her to explain to you, why she feels this is reasonable……and really start to listen, casue the coming years you are really going to want to be her friend but you are REALLY going to need to be her mom. And at 13 when the hormones come……remember back, teh sweetness she was made of. It is still in there, and she is dealing with BIG decisions all day long and you CANT understand. It is impossible to understand the world of a 13 years old, But you can ask her what she wants to do and how can you halp>>>>>>and then proceed to ask this question for the next ten years…..follow her with your heart in your hands, Let her fall whenever you can, and never remind her that you warned her. Let her make really bad mistakes and then nurture her through the comsequences and be as surprised as she is how it all went so horribly wrong… her, love her, be amazed her, honor and respect her, and be her mom….Its an amazing journey….and it never, ever ends.
    My baby is now 28 and expecting her 2nd baby, my 12th grandchild…and I’ve loved every single moment of it. Thank you for your transparancy and sharing the truth about leaving the Before Baby for the status of parenthood.

  190. Most of those people “warning” you about the hard parts of motherhood were probably doing so because they had gone through their own hellish transition into motherhood and it was their way of saying “it’s hard and you’ll be in the same club as me soon where I can be honest about wishing I could have 8 hours of blissful sleep to heal what may have been a traumatic labour and sometimes I look at my husband now and think ‘for [email protected]£*s sake, why can’t you just clean up after yourself’ and sometimes I might even wonder if I love my child enough. Because the intense rush of feelings – we know that happens here but for some people the feelings of hatred and guilt and even perhaps suicidal thoughts are more powerful than the love and talking about how amazing life is now makes me more depressed than you can imagine. We’re all just doing our best”

    I appreciate you’ve found a forum to discuss your own positive feelings but please be careful of who might read this, especially when it is shared on social media. For some people reading this might tip them further and further into the guilt that parenthood inevitably brings

  191. This just popped up on my facebook feed. I know it has been a year for you almost, but thank you for writing these words. I’ve got 6 weeks to go before I meet my little man for the first time and I needed to read your warnings.

  192. YES! Thank you!!!!

    All those warnings about pregnancy and labor, childbirth, time alone, bla, bla…what a bunch of NONSENSE and personal, negativity that one should never project on another…especially a first time mom.

    I mean we’re all different, and if you make a good effort to nourish yourself well, exercise, rest, relax, etc, you will likely be fine. You may even be like me and have NO PAIN in labor–which we can talk more about later if you want to know my 7 secret tools to an easy labor and childbirth.

    My husband and I have plenty of time together, because we make time, and I LOVE him on a whole new level as the papa of my kiddos. And I have become way more organized than even when I was single at making the most of nap time and other chunks of time.

    Oh, and by the way, I am a first time mom of TWINS born at 39 weeks, 7 lbs 8oz, and 8 lbs 10oz. Not bragging, just sayin it can be done and done well. The pregnancy itself was way harder than the labor, birth, and after. And by the way, I couldn’t sleep well when pregnant, but even though up a lot after they were born, I slept much better not being heavy or feeling sick.

    You can do this ladies. Childbirth is an ATHLETIC EVENT. It’s YOUR ATHLETIC EVENT. You have the power, now it’s time to get training. You won’t do well without training–including eating lots of good proteins.

    Believe me, it’s hard, but oh so worth it and truly fun when it’s done!!

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